MartyMart

A great opportunity, forget hit records and productions ...
« on: September 08, 2009, 03:56:43 AM »
Dear Friends, 
I'm sure you've received numerous bogus offers from someone in a foreign country who has been trying to contact you to give you a fortune if only you would give them an administration fee or your information. Some of it even looks legit. Most is in broken English, which I guess is supposed to lend authenticity. However, I think I've finally found one that really is!
My name is Ndugood. I am a wealthy Nigerian prince who loves the jazz of music.

I am seeking your help to move $200,000,000 from my checking account here in Nigeria to the United States. I too love the jazz of music and am planning to flee to America to open many jazz clubs at which I would like you to perform.

You will receive $42,000 a night, plus a meal.

My new "Tribal Village Vanguard" clubs will be of great success and you will become rich like the rest of American jazz musicians.

I have already applied for building exemptions to allow thatched stages and the spearing of live animals. But I desperately need your help.  My tribe, the Swindlisi, a peaceful jazz-loving people, has been horribly oppressed by the ruling military junta, which despises the jazz of music.

My father, an exiled king and booking agent, was recently imprisoned under the draconian "three gigs - you're out" law, and now I must flee my beloved country with all of my improbable wealth - But I need help in moving it.

I have so much money that it will not fit in the allotted two checked bags and one carry-on.  I am therefore want to transfer the money through your ATM system (The Nigerian ATM system cannot exchange international currencies; it only converts "antelope to money"). So please to just provide me with your full name and address, social security number, bank account and PIN numbers, and you will become incredibly (literally) rich from playing many jazz gigs.

(Note: normal Nigerian Musician's Union rules apply: three hour performances, two 15 minute breaks allowed, musicians to provide their own mosquito nets, one open fire per bandstand, one free meal plus anything you kill). 

Act now. The first ten musicians to respond will receive a free copy of the Nigeria's Greatest Jazz Hits CD, by our beloved 'Disoriented' Gillespie Band, which contains the hits: 

The Night Has A Thousand Flies
Goodbye Shrunken Head
Here's That Rainy Season
Just Tribesmen (Lovers No More)
Take the 'A' Trail
When I Fall In Quicksand
Half-Nelson Mandella
Blue Monkey
Leopard Skins and Moonbeams
Blue Mombossa
Almost Like Being In Lagos
Sunny Side of the Goatpath
I Didn't Know What Century It Was

Thank you for your many help.

Your inordinately wealthy Nigerian brother...

Prince Ndugoo
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm"


diyfanatic

Re: A great opportunity, forget hit records and productions ...
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2009, 04:47:04 AM »
waooooo you're so lucky... :o

$42,000 a night  ::)

deuce42

Re: A great opportunity, forget hit records and productions ...
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2009, 05:17:12 AM »
Hate to sound negative but Ndugood has told a complete lie in this letter. His story is a complete hoax guys.  He is really into Metal and his dad is actually the Prince of 80's hair rock. I know, he still owes me the $40K for my last gig "spandex serendipity"
« Last Edit: September 08, 2009, 05:21:20 AM by deuce42 »

jeffrey_burr

Re: A great opportunity, forget hit records and productions ...
« Reply #3 on: September 11, 2009, 02:12:47 AM »
harharharharhar!  Thanks for that.  I especially like, "plus a meal".  I think the Nigerian musicians union rules probably stipulate 3-hour songs though.
And what, no "Who's Swahili Now"?  "Hutu Something To Me"? Something from the hit musical "A Kora's Line" perhaps....sorry
Welcome to Costco.  I love you.

Samuel Groner

    Zürich, Switzerland
  • Posts: 2935
Re: A great opportunity, forget hit records and productions ...
« Reply #4 on: September 11, 2009, 02:20:59 AM »
Be careful--last time I played for them the "meal" was just a chicken sandwich. What a letdown!

Samuel

MartyMart

Re: A great opportunity, forget hit records and productions ...
« Reply #5 on: September 11, 2009, 06:08:16 AM »
harharharharhar!  Thanks for that.  I especially like, "plus a meal".  I think the Nigerian musicians union rules probably stipulate 3-hour songs though.
And what, no "Who's Swahili Now"?  "Hutu Something To Me"? Something from the hit musical "A Kora's Line" perhaps....sorry


 ;D ;D ;D ;D

Good suggestions Jeff  !
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm"

Re: A great opportunity, forget hit records and productions ...
« Reply #6 on: September 11, 2009, 10:54:07 AM »
 ;D
This is too hilarious to be a real Nigerian letter, you have to admit you composed that yourself!

Silvas

Re: A great opportunity, forget hit records and productions ...
« Reply #7 on: September 11, 2009, 12:06:40 PM »
I received a similar letter (¨physical letter¨) a while ago...coming from south africa IIRC. Definitely a scam.
Camilo Silva F.
Camilo Silva F. Mastering
Chia, Colombia

MartyMart

Re: A great opportunity, forget hit records and productions ...
« Reply #8 on: September 11, 2009, 01:29:20 PM »
I received a similar letter (¨physical letter¨) a while ago...coming from south africa IIRC. Definitely a scam.

Mate ..... it's a JOKE  !!

 ;D ;D ;D
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm"

iangomes

Re: A great opportunity, forget hit records and productions ...
« Reply #9 on: September 11, 2009, 02:05:05 PM »

I have already applied for building exemptions to allow thatched stages and the spearing of live animals.

My father, an exiled king and booking agent,

I have so much money that it will not fit in the allotted two checked bags and one carry-on. 

lol, these are my favourite... hahaha, my father, an exiled king and booking agent... bahaha


sahib

Re: A great opportunity, forget hit records and productions ...
« Reply #10 on: September 11, 2009, 02:26:41 PM »
Be careful--last time I played for them the "meal" was just a chicken sandwich. What a letdown!

Samuel


Be thankful.

I was offered a hot dog.

Guess which part it was.

kato

Re: A great opportunity, forget hit records and productions ...
« Reply #11 on: September 11, 2009, 04:25:26 PM »
I too loves me the jazz of music.

that was hilarious.  ;D


 

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