The Pikey Test
Should you be on the island?
Take the test and find out.
Study the questions below. Answer "yes" or "no" to each question and note your answers. At the end of the quiz tot up your "yes" answers and the scroll down for your rating.
1) Have you ever purchased someting from Bejam or Iceland?
2) Have you ever owned an electrical appliance made by Hinari?
3) Have you ever purchased a KFC Family Bucket?
4) Have you ever hung pine fresh tree shaped air freshener on your rear view mirror?
5) Have you ever bought or worn shoes from Barratts?
6) Have you ever considered Pizza Hut an Italian Restaurant?
7) Have you ever bought Woolworths LadyBird clothes for Kids?
8) Have you ever eaten Findus Lasagne?
9) Have you ever worn jewellery from "Elizabeth Duke" or "Argos"?
10) Have you ever eaten a pot noodle?
11) Have you ever bought fresh cut flowers from a petrol station as a present?
12) Have you ever bought a second class stamp?
13) Have you ever knowingly bought own brand cola?
14) Do you think Marks and Spencer's food hall is too expensive?
15) Have you eve taken a Stenaline Ferry anywhere?
16) Have you anything in your wardrobe which ia at least 50% polyester?
17) Have you ever fantasised about owning a Ford Cosworth?
18) Are you on first name terms with any bus drivers?
19) Have you ever recommended a Berni Inn as a decent steak restaurant?
20) Have you ever relieved a hotel room of it's freebie shower gel or shampoo?
21) Have you ever drunk a can of larger you found on a train?
22) Have you ever offered to buy a cigarette from someone?
23) Have you ever brought a screw top bottle of wine to a dinner party?
24) Have you ever referred to dessert as "afters"?
25) Have you ever worn the same pair of socks 2 days running?
26) Have you ever removed a boiled sweet or gum and saved it for later?
27) Have you ever left washing out on the line for more than 24 hours?
28) Have you ever dreamed of owning a Winnebago?
29) Have you ever christened your home with a name and then included it on your postal address ie: "Dunroamin"?
30) Have you ever bought a garden ornament from B&Q, ie: Stone squirrel, Ornamental wheelbarrow etc?
31) Have you ever owned an "eternal beau" dinner or tea service?
32) Have you ever owned or used a sausage dog draught excluder?
33) Have you ever erected a flashing snowman or fairly lights outside your house at Christmas?
34) Have you ever placed a jewel encrusted tissue box on your rear parcel shelf?
35) Have you ever visited a Little Chef of Happy Eater apart from to use the loos in desperation?
36) Have you ever cut out and used money off coupons from a magazine?
37) Have you ever received a Christmas Card from your local Kebab house?
38) Do you know anyone from Penge?
39) Have you ever bought and used "shake n' Vac"?
40) Are any of your parents of family well known "down the precinct"?
Now tot up your "yes" scores and check below to see if you are a Pikey:
0 Yes Answers:
You live in Mayfair and spend all your time in Harvey Nicks. All your friends are called Henry or Henrietta and you've never even heard of TopShop. You don't drive as your chauffeur takes you everywhere. You live on a macrobiotic diet carefully prepared for you by Jamie Oliver. The only airlines you recognise are those that daddy owns. The only pikey you have ever come across is a stuffed one created by Damien Hurst and showing at the Tate Modern.
1-5 Answers:
You're generally far removed from Pikey Island, however, your brother once introduced you to a girl who lived on an estate and shattered your illusions of Barrett Homes being a character from an Emily Bronte novel. You like expensive shops and generally only travel by London Taxi. Your mother once served you fish fingers, however you have adapated enough in adult life to only purchase Tesco's finest crab cakes as a substitute. You have the presence of mind to sneer at a bottle of Freixenet.
6-10 Answers:
You are definately entering the danger zone here. You have owned at sometime in your life a pet fish won from a funfair. You regularly buy Superdrug's own brand toiletries but ensure you carry them home in a Clinique carrier bag. You have a number of gold cards and run a respectable enough car, however, you would do well to remove the "Baby on board" sticker from the back. You enojy good food and wine courtesy of Delia Smith's home cookery course and have been to University.
11-15 Answers:
You have a whiff of dog blanket about you and your shoes need to be resoled. You enjoy garden centres and eating out at country pubs. Your quite well known at the local KwikFit and think nothing of sticking a Bart Simpson doll yo your reat seat window. You have often enjoyed a curry or kebab after a night down the pub and have used a doorway as a public toilet. It is likely that you have been arrested for a minor offence and count George Best as an idol. You are likely to have been educated to A level standard.
16+ Answers:
There is no hope for you - you are well and truly an escapee from Pikey Island. You will now forever be known as first name "Pikey do as ya likey" surname. You think that Blue Nun is a choice wine and always cook Spag Bolat dinner parties. None of your home cutlery matches and a few of your mugs have established chipping to the handles. Every room in your house is painted Magnolia and you have a dado rail in your living room. You name children after pop or filmstars and buy the Sunday Sport as an informative newspaper. Your car is made by Ford and has fag burns in the driver seat. You've only been to Spain on holiday.
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