know any jokes?

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pucho812

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As I watch the world burn figuratively and realistically, I can't help but laugh. Laughing gets us through the most difficult of times. While I must admit things are o.k. at the moment I thought I might as well start a joke thread.

breaking news:
In an unprecedented turn of events, the CEO of Ikea was elected to be president of Sweden. He is currently assembling his cabinet.
 
Electronic Engineer's joke. An aeroplane from Poland was arriving at London Heathrow. As it cruised ever lower over London, the pilot told them, "To your right you can see Buckingham Palace" whereupon they all rushed over to that side to have a look. Unfortunately the plane became unstable and crashed because there were two many poles on the right hand side of the plane.

Cheers

Ian
 
I know loads of Irish and Mummy Mummy jokes but I expect they are not PC these days.

Cheers

Ian
Sadly a lot of childish humor is based on making fun of some minority group. Not PC these days. Likewise most political humor is not funny to tens of millions of people.

Back when I was still working trade shows I used to enjoy hanging out with sales reps in the bar and sharing jokes. Sometimes hearing a new joke would trigger a memory of another good old one.

Here is what I called my old standby hunting joke trilogy (popular with rednecks).

#1 Bubba and Dufus were fishing in a lake using a rented boat. Bubba was catching fish left and right. Dufus pulled out a paint spray can, and painted an X on the bottom of the boat. Bubba asked him why he did that. Dufus answered he wanted to find the same fishing spot next time. Bubba said you idiot, we might not get the same boat next time.

#2 Later that year Bubba and Dufus were out hunting in the woods when Dufus accidentally shot Bubba. Later at the hospital Dufus asked the doctor how his friend was doing. The doctor replied, he would live, but why did he have to field dress him?

#3 A year later both, went out hunting together again. While wandering through the forest they came upon a clearing and saw a man hunting squirrels high up in the tree in the middle of the clearing. The man wasn't using a weapon, but could make the squirrels drop dead and fall by making ugly faces at them. Bubba and Dufus asked him what was he doing and he answered he was "uglying" them out of the tree. He used to let his wife do it, but she tore them up too bad.

JR
 
I was out camping with a friend of mine at Joshua tree national park. When he went to bed I heard a loud scream. I come to find a poisonous snake had crawled into his sleeping bag and bit him on his man parts. I told him not to worry and called the local hospital. They said make sure he lies still, that they could get an ambulance to us in a couple of hours, that I should suck out the poison. So I get off the phone and my buddy is asking what they said. I told him they said you going to die.
 
A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday, he said “I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs.”
I said “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. “See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?…. do you understand?!!”
I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull…. With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs
“Your badge, show him your BADGE!!”
 

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