Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I think you need a strategy.
(1) Sorry, but please do not reply to any band member in written form n any way close your above posts
We all know you won't.
(2) I think you really better go talk to the band leader and do the math in advance.
(3) Tell him WHY you wanted to record the band in the first place . They have fun doing what they do and you saw that and you wanted to capture that (use simple flattery).
(4) Tell him how well the recording reflects that and how great the processed recording has turned out because it really needed some editing bla bla. Don't get too technical though.
(5) Insinuate that they might want more than just ONE copy for ONE spouse (that is, as demo to get more gigs maybe, and if not that than copies for all band members plus their families plus friends plus give-aways for next year's show etc) -- How many copies in total, what do you reckon?
Do the math:
$$$/copy.
However, be prepared that the band leader might reply in somewhat similar terms as the above post that infuriated you so much. In the worst case, the entire band simply let you record the show because they thought that they were doing YOU a favour.