I'm sure you might have meant that in jest...I think it means you're supposed to go back to church.
Can you add cameras? They are great at deterrence. Add object/motion detection to your NVR, and triggers can be sent over your network, which means SMS texts to your cell.
Oddly enough I was a worship pastor for 20 years, am the son of a preacher and was heavily involved in all things church until about 10 years ago when I ran afoul of my best friend and pastor who was not being ethical about the church finances...I caught him in several bold faced lies and he basically excommunicated me from the church where I had served and relationships for 20+ years...
I became "persona non grata" and all my relationships were told to not even talk to me...can't have the truth getting out there...it was then that I became familiar with Rene Girards scapegoat mechanism in conflict and realized it was best to move on to the wilderness where I belonged...since then my theology has greatly morphed into something much closer to science and no longer needing the certainty of dogma and religion to prop up my ego/identity/culture...
I could go back to church but to what purpose? They certainly don't need me rocking their boats and I no longer take comfort in weakening anyones belief system...relationships there are based on holiness codes which never have worked in spite of the New Testament telling us to avoid them at all costs...the current model of church has about as much in common with the early churches ecclesiology as cell phone carrier services have in common with carrier pigeons...we are worlds apart in the same world.
I find the economic model of modern churches disgusting...its wrong on so many levels and in direct violation of what the text they claim to follow instructs.
As a church going college kid I would always hear complaints from my peers that "Its just about the money" and I would often wonder how people could believe it that way...50 years later I realize its pretty much the truth...you can commit adultery, be a felon, hell in some case molest children but don't you EVER touch/talk about the money unless you're the pastor... that will end you in church faster than any other thing.