location in profile

[scott2000]

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I am speaking philosophically about using real names here because AFAIK there are no plans to require real names here, and with very few isolated exceptions we have a  well behaved group, that respects each other.

Please keep up the good behavior.  "It's nice to be nice" (told me by a huge bar bouncer).

JR

Well, we should at least post pictures of ourselves.....

lol

 

[JohnRoberts]

I haven't experienced this. Are you certain it's happening? Are you sure it isn't just the people you're hanging out with? Lotsa people get grumpy in their old age, because they've earned the right, through survival, to not give a crap what anyone thinks about them.

I have been grumpy for a long time. I think it comes from being dissatisfied with things we can not control. (Perhaps like growing older?)

I'm seeing several replies to this effect, so I'm not picking on John, just using his statement as a reference.

People filter themselves all the time in real life, but not the same way in all circumstances. There's a term for it in linguistics called "register": In different social situations people will alter their speech patterns to match that of those around them.

"mirroring" is a negotiating technique, some learn and some adopt naturally.  Speaking of speech patterns, moving to the deep south after growing up a yankee, forced me to adapt quickly. An old friend from CT joked that they are still angry about the civil war down here, and I now believe he was right. There is no benefit from reminding people of it. After a few decades I can pretty much pass, while I still have disagreements and cringe worthy moments with neighbors who were raised differently than I was.

Often we do it unconsciously, and certainly without considering whether that register is appropriate for every social situation we may ever be in past present and future. Behavior is moderated the same way. I had a glass of scotch last night, something I would not do at work. I discuss things with my wife that I would not discuss with my friends. I discuss things with my friends, and use words and phrases, that I would not use around my mother. Anyone reading this does the same, because you're a human being. Perhaps you do less of it than other people, or perhaps you aren't aware of how often you do it.

Yes, drinking often defeats most people's filters (for better and worse).  There is a classic old latin saying "in vino veritas" (In wine truth). And another old saying that drunks and children tell the truth presumably because children have not learned how to filter themselves yet.

The ease of searchability of the internet has given the impression that one is in the exact same social situation at all times when online. This is an absurd proposition; it's a modern reality that much of one's social and professional life must be conducted online.

I have read reports about kids missing out on their first choice college or some scholarship because they investigated his/her social media posts and didn't like what they saw.  Any number of workers have been pinged for things they say that their employer didn't like and now we have a very high profile news story about FBI investigators girlfriend texts.

In the early days of web forums, I participated often defending Peavey while I worked there (and later). I constantly worried back then that what I posted publicly could come back to bite me, because I had no authority or mandate to represent Peavey. But I have a long held aversion to BS, and unchecked the WWW fills up with misinformation. Luckily for me Hartley spent zero time on WWW back then.  Now he probably pays people to do it.

Another old saying "don't post or write anything in an email you wouldn't want your mother to read", is still good advice.

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More than anything, I am really surprised by how quickly dismissive many people are of members' privacy concerns, simply in the name of perhaps making a very small number of forumites more "civil." Any serious discussion of this should respect the safety and autonomy of the forum's members.

civility is the lubrication for constructive discourse.  I don't care if people want to call themselves silly names, I do care about behavior that diminishes personal responsibility.

BTW web forums can read IP and use this to block trolls who try to shape shift using different names.

Perhaps this is a failure of imagination regarding what can go wrong. Besides the safety concerns I mentioned before, consider:

Does the forum have the tools to allow members to manage who sees their posts, or the public or private nature of their posts (i.e., will all posts still be indexed by search engines)? Can members block each other to prevent harassment, or do they have to go through the moderators and hope that the moderators also view the offending member's actions as harassment to continue safely participating in the community?

the WWW is not a safe space, there is a cost to participating in an open forum. I have had to become more sensitive to our many foreign members and learned a lot from them.

What measures would prevent people from using fake names and fake locations -- and if there aren't any, then why bother?

Is the forum prepared to shoulder liability if members' personal information is stolen from the forum and considered the consequences of what might happen if member names, locations, and passwords are stored by the forum and stolen? (Remember, the fact that we opt in means we do so with a reasonable expectation that our information is also being safeguarded.) My guess is "lol no" on the last one, in which case the entire discussion should be moot.

If something does go wrong, how do you put the genie back in the bottle if it don't wanna go?

Can everyone arguing for this now see that there might be reasons other than the desire to be dicks to each other that many people simply don't want their personal details publicly visible in all locations online?

My solution for reducing risk of identity theft is living in MS and being poor (but not relative to my neighborhood.). I still get robo calls claiming to be from IRS (note: the IRS does not call people).  Back when I lived in wealthier neighborhoods they were always trying to sell me silver or something like that.

Here is a story about redneck identity theft in MS. My town collects garbage once a week from the curb. Several years back I happened to be looking out the window and saw some miscreant pick up my bags of garbage to take home and search through them, no doubt hoping to find a credit card imprint or some such identity data.  Unfortunately for him, all he got was refuse because  momma didn't raise a fool. I ran out to the street and it appears he(?) only picked up mine and one or two other neighbors. Maybe he was just trying to help out, but his vehicle looked funny with several trash bags piled up on the trunk lid, slowly moving up the road so they wouldn't fall off. 

I value privacy (a man's home is his castle) but gave up keeping my identity secret after writing articles for popular magazines with 500k circulation.  YMMV

JR

PS: With modern technology we are indeed connected and readable. I declined to give FB my address and after a while they stopped asking and just read my IP to push local ads at me. Some aren't very local but that's OK because I ignore them. 

 

[JohnRoberts]

Well, we should at least post pictures of ourselves.....

lol

If the bouncer looked like that he would not need to speak..... He still was a commanding presence and I followed his simple advice.

JR

 

[scott2000]

Yeah I had this one guy from Poland helping me for a while. He was a professional body builder there. We got along just great! Never argued with him come to think of it...lol

I remember one time it was stressful and about to rain so we had to hurry....I said we can't be dic%&king around and, because of his limited English he looked at me and asked in his scary accent "what did you say?".....guess he thought I was calling him a name...lol....not a good feeling....

Strong as can be too..... so yeah....they are as crazy strong as they look......not just with weights......

Nicest guy I've ever met......Really.....Over the top nice.....

 

[s2udio]

If something does go wrong, how do you put the genie back in the bottle if it don't wanna go?

Because.....you should be wise enough and educated enough to realise the reason's , why "Not" to open the bottle....

Therefore ,that path is avoided ..

 

[JohnRoberts]

Yeah I had this one guy from Poland helping me for a while. He was a professional body builder there. We got along just great! Never argued with him come to think of it...lol

I remember one time it was stressful and about to rain so we had to hurry....I said we can't be dic%&king around and, because of his limited English he looked at me and asked in his scary accent "what did you say?".....guess he thought I was calling him a name...lol....not a good feeling....

Strong as can be too..... so yeah....they are as crazy strong as they look......not just with weights......

Nicest guy I've ever met......Really.....Over the top nice.....

In my experience big strong guys are generally gentle souls, who don't want to pick fights (because they don't want to hurt people). OTOH some smaller guys carry a chip on their shoulder and like nothing better than an adrenaline rush. Worst combination is small friends who pick fights for you...  :    One  night 5 decades ago, I was heading into a bar with a few friends and there was a couple miscreants hanging around an alley we had to walk past to get into the bar (I found out later they were thrown out of the bar earlier for making trouble). I did my best to ignore them but my smaller friend, feeling empowered by being  in a group, stared at them, and when they asked what he was looking at he said something wise-ass to them (I don't recall what he said, i might have not even heard it as I didn't linger to chat). A few hours later when we left the bar to drive home, I found my trunk lid jacked open, my toolbox spilled all over the trunk and street, and a tire iron still sticking out through my smashed windshield.  All my side glass was also smashed.  Clearly retribution for my friend's comment, as they just saw us park my car on the street. Thanks little buddy.  : They left their tire iron behind, but nobody checked it for fingerprints. I was just glad the police let me drive my trashed car home, after I gave them my damage report (the bar called the police, I didn't). 

Admittedly these impressions are based on only a small handful of anecdotal experiences, but I've seen more fights picked by small guys in a group..than big dogs (alone).  I ASSume these stereotypes are not PC. But this may translate to anonymous comments on the WWW... no threat of recourse,  so filters off and inflammatory language.

I recall the first time I got trolled on the WWW (last century) it made me angry but these days it takes more than just ugly language. Trashing my car would still work. 

JR