My new mail carrier never, ever delivers packages that need signing. Instead, he drops those burnt orange tickets in my mailbox- even when I'm home- and checks the box "1st attempt". It would be a 1st attempt if he actually took packages out of his van, which he does not- not for me, anyways. Ask me how I know...
So why am I afraid to confront my postman about his antisocial behavior? Well, it gets worse- He's also an antihero of sorts. Allow me to explain:
So...this will be hard for y'all to believe, but the reason he's an antisocial-antihero is because he also does another strange thing: When the need compels him, he looks for dog poop in mine or my neighbor's front yard, intentionally steps in it, scrapes it onto my front steps, and smooshes the remainder on the porch. The first time I saw these "deliveries" I thought it was an accident. But the 2nd time? Third time? Fourth?
By the fifth time it was clear; the man is a goose-stepping, poop-seeking soldier, intent on sharing scataological life-lessons on yard cleanliness to anyone who plants mud-mines along his route.
What's disturbing is, I have never met the man! All I've done to him (I can only guess) is choose to clean up my dog's poop from my yard once a week rather than once a day. Everyone suggests I put up a camera, which I guess I'm going to have to do.