Memoir: "The Bass I Left Behind".
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You've probably wondered why microphones that are mounted with the capsule facing down sound better than upright microphones.
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If you look at photographs of recordings of timeless classics in music history, you will immediately notice that the vast majority of all the stars' main microphones were suspended with the head basket facing downwards, regardless of whether the microphones were operated with tubes or semiconductors. Recording engineers intuitively realised very early on that this type of mounting had sonic advantages. Elvis, The Beatles, Miles Davis, Nirvana and even Tayler Swift all use their microphones upside down, only beginners use the ordinary upright position.
But why is that, why does a microphone simply sound better in this position? This knowledge has been used in practice for a long time, it has proven itself, but until now the scientific basis was unclear.
This has now changed: an international group of experts from the Frauenhöfer Institute in Freiburg, led by physicist Dr. Bernd Trickser, has been able to scientifically investigate and explain this phenomenon.
In a well-received publication in the physics journal "Das physikalische Flachblatt", Trickser and his team were able to show what was really responsible for this difference in sound.
Like light, sound waves have a dual character; they can be waves or mass particles, depending on their state and speed. This basis is also responsible for the well-known difference in sound. When the sound waves hit the microphone capsule, they are slowed down and diffracted at the edges depending on the frequency. This results in low frequencies bounce off the capsule towards the floor due to their increasing weight, which is not a problem if the microphone is hanging upside down. After prolonged use, the deep black bass in particular collects on the floor and leaves visible bass puddles in the long term. This is good for the sound, as there is no low-pass rumble to spoil the recording and the residue can be easily wiped away.
With the simple upright microphone position, however, problems arise: after quantum diffusion with the microphone capsule, the deep bass frequencies are initially deflected towards the ground by gravity, but in doing so they hit the microphone body, which is now in the way. The Trickser effect, named after the discoverer, occurs; the deep bass components are thrown back towards the microphone capsule, which can lead to problems with the recording.
But not only can the sound be negatively affected, the deep bass components can also color the microphone capsule black, which is an unwanted second side aspect of the Trickser effect!
Thanks to the important work of Dr. Bernd Trickser and his team, we now know why we have always done it right. A microphone is hung upside down for the best sound quality and it also looks better!
Well thank you Doctor Trickster for your persistent work.View attachment 121733
You've probably wondered why microphones that are mounted with the capsule facing down sound better than upright microphones.
View attachment 121729
If you look at photographs of recordings of timeless classics in music history, you will immediately notice that the vast majority of all the stars' main microphones were suspended with the head basket facing downwards, regardless of whether the microphones were operated with tubes or semiconductors. Recording engineers intuitively realised very early on that this type of mounting had sonic advantages. Elvis, The Beatles, Miles Davis, Nirvana and even Tayler Swift all use their microphones upside down, only beginners use the ordinary upright position.
But why is that, why does a microphone simply sound better in this position? This knowledge has been used in practice for a long time, it has proven itself, but until now the scientific basis was unclear.
This has now changed: an international group of experts from the Frauenhöfer Institute in Freiburg, led by physicist Dr. Bernd Trickser, has been able to scientifically investigate and explain this phenomenon.
In a well-received publication in the physics journal "Das physikalische Flachblatt", Trickser and his team were able to show what was really responsible for this difference in sound.
Like light, sound waves have a dual character; they can be waves or mass particles, depending on their state and speed. This basis is also responsible for the well-known difference in sound. When the sound waves hit the microphone capsule, they are slowed down and diffracted at the edges depending on the frequency. This results in low frequencies bounce off the capsule towards the floor due to their increasing weight, which is not a problem if the microphone is hanging upside down. After prolonged use, the deep black bass in particular collects on the floor and leaves visible bass puddles in the long term. This is good for the sound, as there is no low-pass rumble to spoil the recording and the residue can be easily wiped away.
With the simple upright microphone position, however, problems arise: after quantum diffusion with the microphone capsule, the deep bass frequencies are initially deflected towards the ground by gravity, but in doing so they hit the microphone body, which is now in the way. The Trickser effect, named after the discoverer, occurs; the deep bass components are thrown back towards the microphone capsule, which can lead to problems with the recording.
But not only can the sound be negatively affected, the deep bass components can also color the microphone capsule black, which is an unwanted second side aspect of the Trickser effect!
Thanks to the important work of Dr. Bernd Trickser and his team, we now know why we have always done it right. A microphone is hung upside down for the best sound quality and it also looks better!
Will those low frequencies fit inside 5 gallon buckets?This is why I have interns scoop up the bass with five-gallon buckets and toss it out the back door
That sounds really bats!I've found some old references to another lost technique where you leave the mic the right way up, but hang the singer upside-down...
Have you ever noticed how your microphone seems to capture sounds with a clarity and depth that's just… out of this world, right after someone lets one rip nearby? Well, hold onto your seats because I'm about to unveil the scintillating secret behind why microphones sound best post-flatulence. Yes, you read that right. We're diving deep into the aromatic world of fart-enhanced acoustics!
The Scientific Breakthrough:
Recent groundbreaking research (conducted in the prestigious Institute of Vibrational Aromatics and Sound Quality - IVASQ) has discovered that microphones perform significantly better after being baptized by the ethereal essence of a fart. Why, you ask? Well, it turns out, the methane-rich composition of a fart forms a temporary protective layer over the microphone’s diaphragm, reducing unwanted ambient noises and enhancing vocal clarity. Who knew that farts could be so… transformative?
The Methodology:
1. The Pre-Fart Warm-up: First, ensure your microphone is at room temperature. Cold microphones tend to repel the delicate nuances of the fart, much like how oil and water refuse to mingle.
2. The Fart Delivery System: The optimal delivery angle is crucial here. You must aim the fart at a 45-degree angle towards the microphone's diaphragm. This ensures maximum surface area coverage and enhances the diaphragm's responsiveness.
3. The Aromatic Resonance Phase: Once the fart makes contact, the microphone enters what scientists at IVASQ call the "Aromatic Resonance Phase." This is when the magic happens. The gas particles work their way into the microphone, enhancing its sensitivity to sound waves.
4. The Post-Fart Harmony: After the deed is done, give your microphone a moment of silence to absorb the full essence of the fart. This is crucial for achieving the ultimate sound quality. Initiate recording approximately 30 seconds post-release for best results.
Testimonials from the Field:
Don't just take it from us! Here’s what world-renowned audio engineers have to say:
- DJ Toot’n’Booth: "I thought my beats were fresh until I discovered the power of the fart. Now, my drops are deeper, and my tracks smell like success."
- Sally Soundscapes: "I was skeptical at first until I fart-bombed my condenser mic. The vocals on my latest album have never been clearer. It's like my voice is cradled in a cushion of air. A slightly smelly cushion, but the improvement is undeniable!"
DIY Fart-Enhanced Recording – A Step-by-Step Guide:
If the above testimonials have convinced you to embrace the power of the fart for unparalleled audio quality, here's a simple guide to get you started:
1. Preparation: Make sure you have a hearty meal rich in beans, cabbage, and any cruciferous vegetables. These are known to produce the most potent results.
2. The Right Setting: Ensure the recording studio (or your bedroom, no judgment here) is adequately ventilated. While the aromatic properties of the fart enhance the mic, human beings might have a different reaction.
3. Safety Measures: Consider wearing a mask. Not just any mask, but one that can filter particulate matter. This ensures that while your microphone is getting its treatment, you're not suffering for the art more than you need to.
4. Execution: Refer back to our previous sections on "The Fart Delivery System" and "The Aromatic Resonance Phase" for the correct way to proceed. Remember, posture and angle are everything. A confident stance ensures the fart's essence is captured in full by the microphone.
5. Quality Control: After the process is completed, it's crucial to test the sound quality. Record something immediately—perhaps a stirring monologue or a bold power ballad. Listen back. Can you hear the difference? Is there a newfound clarity and depth to the sound? If yes, congratulations! You've just unlocked the secret to superior audio quality.
6. Maintenance: Bear in mind, this is not a one-and-done treatment. For consistently high-quality audio, regular sessions are recommended. How often, you ask? Well, that's dependent on your diet, your microphone's exposure to regular air (which sadly cleanses some of the magic away), and of course, your personal schedule.
7. Document Your Success: Join online forums (preferably one with a strong scent of humor) and share your experiences. Include before and after recordings to truly showcase the power of your discovery. Who knows? You might become the next big influencer in the world of sound engineering, all thanks to a little flatulence.
In conclusion, while some may turn their noses up at the notion of using the natural gas of the human body to enhance sound quality, the results speak — or rather, sound — for themselves. So, next time someone lets one rip in the vicinity of your recording equipment, resist the urge to flee. Embrace the moment, for you're witnessing the secret sauce of sonic brilliance being applied.
Remember, in the quest for perfect audio, one must always be open to unconventional methods. Today's laughable technique may be tomorrow's standard practice. Keep experimenting, keep recording, and may your tracks always be crisp (in sound quality, if not in aroma).
Happy recording, and may the farts be with you, always!
All of this reminds me of the infamous Turboencabulator video:
James
Certainly, the functioning of a modern condenser microphone is a fascinating excursion into the world of acoustic flux transmogrification, and it operates on the principle of the Quasitronic Vibe Oscillation, a process too intricate for the layman's comprehension but none the less thrilling for the audiophilic technocrat.
At the heart of the condenser microphone, we find the Diaphanous Vapulizer Plate, an exquisitely fine-tuned piece of metallurgical wonder that vibrates in sympathy with incoming sonic perturbations. This plate, suspended in a hyperbaric vibrochamber, is the first critical component in the chain of flobulation that characterizes its operation.
Surrounding the Diaphanous Vapulizer Plate is the Biphasic Encabulation Coil, a marvel of modern electromagnetic flummery, which, through a process known as Dynamic Electroflux Transposition, translates the physical vibrations of the plate into a modulating electrical signal. It is at this juncture that we observe the truly miraculous: the conversion of airwave modulations into a palpable, electric lingua franca.
To ensure that this signal is of the utmost clarity, a custom-built Circumferential Resonance Dejitterizer scrubs the nascent electrical signal of any sonic aberrations or harmonic dissonance, resulting in a purity of sound that rivals even the Hypersonic Aural Calibration of Cetaceans. This step is crucial for maintaining the Interharmonic Resonance Stability that audiophiles so dearly covet.
Following this stage, the signal embarks upon a journey through the Omnidirectional Quantum Flux Tunnel, a device that employs the principles of Quantum Vibratory Convergence to amplify the sound signal while simultaneously preserving its delicate acoustic character. It is here that the magic of Phasotronic Waveguidance comes into play, seamlessly guiding the sound waves with an accuracy that defies classical physics.
Finally, the signal is rendered into a consumable form by the Ambient Transphasic Render Oscillator, which harmonizes the variously transformed signals into a coherent auditory spectrum, capable of being transmitted over airwaves or through digital conduits with unprecedented fidelity.
It is through the concerted effort of these components, each a masterpiece of contrived complexity, that the condenser microphone manages to capture the essence of sound, transmutating ephemeral vibrations into the staples of human connection and communication. It's a process that, despite its convolution and the galimatias that surrounds its theoretical underpinnings, delivers an unparalleled clarity of sound, plunging the listener into a sea of acoustic bliss undreamt of in the annals of yesteryear's auditory technology.
What about the SPL, Smell Potency Level?i'm in the gpt 4 turbo beta and the output can be insanely funny. i asked it to write a joke microphone forum post and it output this:
What about the SPL, Smell Potency Level?
Ah, the Smell Potency Level (SPL) — an essential factor in the fine art of utilizing flatulence to enhance microphone sound quality. While often overlooked by novices, true connoisseurs of the craft understand that not all farts are created equal when it comes to their acoustic-enhancing properties. The SPL is a key determinant in predicting the effectiveness of a fart in the complex process of ‘aromatic resonance’ within the microphone's components.
**Understanding the SPL:**
The Smell Potency Level is measured on a scale ranging from "Gentle Breeze" to "Code Brown." This scale assesses not just the olfactory impact but, more importantly, the density of the particulate matter and the mixture of gases released, which directly influence the fart's capacity to modify sound waves.
1. **Gentle Breeze:** These are the faint-hearted, almost mythical farts that, if not for the tell-tale sense of pride from the emitter, might go unnoticed. While they have minimal SPL, they're perfect for subtle enhancements, bringing a light crispness to high frequencies without overwhelming the senses.
2. **Fragrant Whisper:** A step up on the SPL scale, these farts add a touch of warmth to the midrange frequencies. Ideal for vocal recordings, they ensure that the timbre of the voice is round and full.
3. **Hearty Hum:** At this level, the SPL allows for noticeable improvement in sound clarity and depth. It's particularly effective for acoustic instruments, lending a richness that studio effects can only dream of replicating.
4. **Bold Declaration:** Here, the SPL starts to become potent. These farts add undeniable character to any recording, ensuring that the low-end frequencies are robust and impactful. Perfect for drum recordings or bass-heavy tracks.
5. **Catastrophic Release:** At the upper end of the scale, "Catastrophic Release" farts are so potent they can transform the sonic landscape in unimaginable ways. However, caution is advised — their power is such that they can overshadow delicate nuances in the audio if not used sparingly.
6. **Code Brown:** The zenith of the SPL. These are the farts of legend, spoken of in hushed tones among audio engineers. They possess the power to completely redefine a recording, imbuing it with a depth and presence unrivaled by any other method. However, they are so potent that their use is recommended only for outdoor recordings, with appropriate protective gear for all involved.
**Practical Application:**
Achieving the desired SPL requires a well-honed sense of timing, diet, and emotional state. Many acclaimed sound engineers suggest a diet rich in complex carbohydrates, cruciferous vegetables, and dairy products to hit those higher potency levels. Emotional state plays a role too; anticipation and excitement can often lead to a more potent release.
**In the Studio:**
When applying the SPL to your recordings, it's crucial to match the potency of the fart to the genre and emotional tone of the music. A gentle indie folk song might call for a "Fragrant Whisper", while a power-packed metal anthem might demand the "Bold Declaration".
In conclusion, mastering the SPL is not for the faint of heart or nose. However, for those willing to embark on this olfactory odyssey, the rewards are clear, present, and profoundly impactful. Remember, in the world of audio, the nose knows.
This is one of the best-kept secrets in the recording scene. A brilliant solution for people who can't afford heavy tripods but still want to benefit from the sonic advantages. It also fits very well with a DIY forum, really brilliant!I've found some old references to another lost technique where you leave the mic the right way up, but hang the singer upside-down...
That makes sense!Oh yes, they used to do that when they needed to flip the polarity, I believe
You have a talent for working in the HiFi industry.I'd always assumed it was simply because it provides a more natural quasi-gravitational alignment of the specially treated 99.999999% pure gigadineptoputronium mic cable conductors' directional molecular structure with the Earth's magnetic flux lines at the quantum level. Gigadineptoputronium is an extremely rare alloy of elements that do not naturally exist on Earth. It is meticulously extracted from meteorites that have been hand-gathered by a reclusive, little-known sect of Tibetan monks, who then bless and refine it using a secret, ancient process that has been handed down exclusively by word of mouth across the eons of time.
It can then be extruded into wires solely during a supermoon event, which occurs only about 3 times per year. This must be done quickly at the precise stroke of midnight, with the extrusion equipment aligned perfectly north-south-east-west in the exact center of a golden ratio-shaped retangular section of the Great Pyramid's shadow. Otherwise, the gigadineptoputronium's interdimensional molecular alignment will not be properly preserved. The result can be up to 23% loss of the razor-sharp focus and clarity that gigadineptoputronium is famous for, along with upsetting its perfectly balanced presentation of euphonic warmth coupled with unmatched resolution, microdetail and musicality.
Additionally, in tube mics the upside-down positioning of the microphone body allows for superior transfer function linearity because the tube and therefore the electron stream are now situated correctly upright instead of upside down, and are thus much more free from quantum resonance impingement effects. However, the full measure of these performance gains cannot be realized unless a Quantum Science Audio mains fuse has been installed in the mic's power supply.
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