Hi Ben,
This is some complicated ground to cover. I can give you the overview on how it's handled in my console. I don't have finite circuit details right now, I would pull out the schematics out for that if you want.
On the output of my 2-bus 325 cards, I have the balanced lines mult to my (2) 2-track(s) which are (2) 10K input impedance devices. My control room monitoring is active and switchable between a few sources. A mult goes from the above mentioned 2-bus 325's, to a relay board. This board selects what is being monitored at the control room module. Program, tape, 1/2 track, DAT and so on. This is a transformer balanced input stage. The signal for the L-R meters is taken post relay and pre input x-fo, so you are metering what ever source you are monitoring. The meters are IC buffered. The selected source goes from the input x-fo's, unbalanced, to the control room module. Here it is buffered with a DOA. I have replaced these with Hardy 990c's. Next is a 5K monitor dim pot then to a 600 ohm stepped attenuator. The signal leaves the control room module and off to another pair of 325's. These I have also used 990c's on and have replaced the original 2503's with Jensen JT11's. They are as clean as the day is long. The now balanced signal is then off to the monitors(Barefoot's ;D). I bypassed the coupling cap and so on on these cards.
I understand your theory on monitoring exactly what you are printing. It really wasn't feasible in my setup, as the signal structure of the board was set. That is why I replaced the 2520's with 990's and did the JT11's. I am quite alright with my current set up. I assume your meters are buffered? Is the signal going to them balanced or unbalanced? You may consider a simple, ultra clean, balanced receiver, IC circuit to buffer the 10k level pot for your passive monitoring section. That would just go to the mult out on the 325's. The other mult out would go to your "2-track". I would take the meter feed as a mult either before or after the above mentioned IC buffer(depends on balanced or unbalanced). Also, making sure the meter's are buffered, which I'm sure they already are.
I hope this was somewhat helpful. Let me know.
Cheers, Jeff