know any jokes?

[pucho812]

A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor tells him “don’t eat anything fatty”
The guy asks “you mean like bacon or hamburgers”
The doctor replies “no fatty, don’t eat anything”

 

[pucho812]

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th-grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny, Pat?”

“I just saw one of your garters!”

Get out of my classroom,” she yells, I don’t want to see you for three days!”

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly, there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny, Billy?”

“I just saw both of your garters!”

Again, she yells, “Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don’t want to see you for three weeks!”

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time, there is a burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

“Where do you think you’re going,” she asks.

“From what I just saw, my school days are over!”

 

[JohnRoberts]

If it wasn't for double standards some people wouldn't have any standards at all.

JR

 

[ruffrecords]

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don't get some support people will think we are nuts.

Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

The university of Bob Seger conducted a study and the results are in. Women prefer men with beards

 

[pucho812]

I used to date this pretty lady who had a twin. I was once asked how I can tell them apart.
Well, Lauren usually wears red lipstick and her twin Robert has a penis

 

[pucho812]

A guy goes to Nevada and goes to a brothel. The madam of the brothel introduces him to the ladies and he picks one. They have a go and she says how much he owes her, 1000 dollars.
The guy comes back the following day for the same girl, they go again and once again he pays 1000 dollars
The guy comes the following day making it 3 in a row. He picks the same girl, they have a go and as he is paying her she says it’s nice but 3 days in a row is a lot of money. Where are you from?
The man tells her and she is excited saying I am from there too.
The man goes I know, your sister asked that since I am traveling in Nevada could I bring you 3000 that she gave me.

 

[scott2000]

What a joke...poor kids

 

[ruffrecords]

What a joke...poor kids

Hell's teeth, that teacher should be caned.

Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

How do nudist clean their glasses

 

[ruffrecords]

How do nudist clean their glasses

With a tissue they keep on a nearby table next to their tennis racquet.

Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

I really enjoy how the earth rotates, it makes my day.

 

[pucho812]

A women was found guilty in traffic court
And when asked if her occupation, she said school teacher.
The judge rose from the bench “ Madame, I have waited for years to have a school teacher appear in front of this court”
He smiled with delight as said “your fine is to sit down at that table and write I will not run a red light 500 times”

 

[pucho812]

Chevy just announced that the new corvette model will come standard with a classified document storage container.

 

[scott2000]

The bank says I can't afford a $950 mortgage so I pay $1400 a month in rent instead...

 

[pucho812]

A couple is having a heated argument
Lady: that’s it, I have had enough.
Man: is it because I am a know it all?
Lady: yes!
Man: I knew it.

 

[pucho812]

What’s the best thing about Switzerland, I don’t know but the flag is a big plus.

 

[JohnRoberts]

Three old farts were comparing their medical complaints in a doctor's waiting room.

The first one complained that he wished he could take a good pee every morning.

The second complained that he missed taking a healthy BM every morning.

The third said he takes a good pee every morning at 7am, and a healthy BM every morning at 8 am. He just wishes he could wake up before 9am every morning.

 

[pucho812]

"You're like a farmer, you're outstanding in your field!"

 

[scott2000]

I helped my neighbor out with something this morning and she said to me " I could marry you!".
I couldn't believe it. You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return.