pucho812
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my neighbors diary says I have boundary issues...
know any jokes?
- Thread starter pucho812
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pucho812
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The difference between your mix, and a sack of manure is the sack
pucho812
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A guy goes to a therapist with anger issues. He says that he gets real mad when his cell phone dies.
The therapist suggested he find an outlet.
The therapist suggested he find an outlet.
pucho812
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A man in New York City walks into a bank. He asks to see a bank representative about a loan. The loan officer meets him. The man asks for a loan of 300 dollars. The loan officer says ok we can do that, do you have any collateral for the loan? The man says yes and hands him keys to a brand new Bentley. Confused the loan officer does the paperwork and the man leaves with 300 dollars. A week later the man returns to the bank and pays back the loan plus interest. Confused the loan officer asks sir, you drive a Bentley surely you didn’t need a loan for 300 dollars? The man replies you are right, but where else can I get the car stored for me in the city for such a price and ensure it don’t get a scratch on it.
pucho812
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Two guys are drinking at a bar comparing jobs. One guy tells a horrible story of his last employment. The other guy goes “that’s nothing., I was fired for sleeping on the job. So what if I am a buss driver”
pucho812
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Differences among men.
A foolish man will complain about a tear in his pants pocket. A wise man will use the hole to scratch himself.
A foolish man will complain about a tear in his pants pocket. A wise man will use the hole to scratch himself.
![Electronics Soldering Iron Kit, [Upgraded] Soldering Iron 110V 90W LCD Digital Portable Soldering Kit 180-480℃(356-896℉), Welding Tool with ON/OFF Switch, Auto-sleep, Thermostatic Design](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41gRDnlyfJS._SL500_.jpg)
pucho812
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A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question…
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said: “Just a minute I have to go pee.”
The teacher responded by saying: “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”
Sherman said: “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”
Johnny said: “I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.”
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said: “Just a minute I have to go pee.”
The teacher responded by saying: “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”
Sherman said: “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”
Johnny said: “I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.”
pucho812
Well-known member
An inventor is drunk at a bar.
He is telling the patron next to him about his latest invention.
“I am working on pants that are as comfortable as dockers but have built in adult diapers for old people who have incontinence. I call them dry dockers”
He is telling the patron next to him about his latest invention.
“I am working on pants that are as comfortable as dockers but have built in adult diapers for old people who have incontinence. I call them dry dockers”
pucho812
Well-known member
pucho812
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You know how to tell if someone is a vegan?
You don’t have to, they will tell you every two minutes
You don’t have to, they will tell you every two minutes
ruffrecords
Well-known member
What do you call a chicken that eats cement? A brick layer.
Cheers
Ian
Cheers
Ian
pucho812
Well-known member
A teenage boy goes to church to confess his sins.
“Forgive me, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”
“‘Yes, Father, it is.”
“And who was the girl you were with?”
“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”
“I cannot say.”
“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“Was it Nina Capelli?”
“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”
“Was it Cathy Piriano?”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”
“Please, I cannot tell you.”
The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight-lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for four months. Now you go and behave yourself.”
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”
“Four months vacation and five good leads!”
“Forgive me, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”
“‘Yes, Father, it is.”
“And who was the girl you were with?”
“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”
“I cannot say.”
“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“Was it Nina Capelli?”
“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”
“Was it Cathy Piriano?”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”
“Please, I cannot tell you.”
The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight-lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for four months. Now you go and behave yourself.”
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”
“Four months vacation and five good leads!”
scott2000
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AnalogPackrat
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AnalogPackrat
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pucho812
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The early bird may get the worm but it’s the second mouse who gets the cheese.
pucho812
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If you ever feel useless, remember you can always be used as a bad example
I don't know how much of the audience got the joke, but the SNL fake news desk last weekend made a quip that "Hollywood must be suffering from a diabetes epidemic because so many stars are being prescribed Ozempic". 
JR
JR
boji
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pucho812
Well-known member
Sadly I do most of my proofreading after I hit sned.
