know any jokes?

[efinque]

Why do mechanics make a bad company for women?

They always be talkin' that gantry slang.

(As in Soldier by Destiny's Child @ 0:37)

P.S for those who don't know gantry is the part in a router that moves the cutter along in x/y axis.

 

[pucho812]

Starting an only fans page…

Audio mixing in the nude

 

[cyrano]

I was talking to a friend. Told me his daughter finally found a job. For a company that manufactures ventilators. She was doin' good. The company was called "Only Fans"...

 

[pucho812]

Just spotted over Milwaukee, Wisconsin. This German spy balloon is dropping bratwurst propaganda packets.

 

[Rob Flinn]

Q. Why doesn't 007 fart in bed ?

A. Because he would blow his cover.

 

[pucho812]

Two doctors are outside a hospital having a chat when they see a man walking up the street. The man is waking in a rather strange manor with one hand holding onto the center of his butt. One doctor goes look at that, I bet you he has a prostate issue. The other doctors I don’t think so, I bet you has a hemorrhoid problem. They wait for the man to walk in front them. They stop the man and ask him what is wrong saying the one doctor said it was a prostate issue and the other doctor said it was a hemorrhoid issue. The man looks at the Doctor Who said it was a hemorrhoid issue and says you’re wrong. The man then looks at the doctor said it was a prostate that issue and says you’re wrong. He then tells the doctors I thought it was a fart, but i’m wrong.

 

[pucho812]

Here’s a joke. I’m spying on my new neighbors to make sure they’re not weirdos.

 

[scott2000]

I’m spying on my new neighbors to make sure they’re not weirdos

 

[pucho812]

Who ever invented knock knock jokes should get a no-bell prize

 

[pucho812]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are taking their wives to play golf.


The Englishman’s wife walks up to the tee, bends over to put her ball on the tee, the wind blows her skirt up and she isn’t wearing underwear.

The Englishman says, “My heavens Elizabeth where are your underthings?

She replies “Reginald, on the money you give me for the household, I can’t afford underthings”.


The Englishman pulls a 50 out of his pocket, hands it to her and says “Well here, get yourself some proper underthings.

The Irishman’s wife steps up, bends over to put her ball on the tee, the wind blows her dress up and she isn’t wearing underwear.

The Irishman says ” Good Lord Agatha, where are your bloomers?”.

She replies “On the household money ya give me, I can’t afford any bloomers”.

The Irishman pulls a 20 out of his pocket, hands it to her and says “Get yourself some decent bloomers”.

The Scotsman’s wife walks up, bends over, the wind blows her dress up and, of course, she’s not wearing underwear.

The Scotsman blurts out “What the f#$k woman, where’re ya knickers?”.

She replies “On the wee bit of money ya gimme for the house I canna ‘ford no knickers.

He reaches in his pocket, pulls out a comb and says “Well, tidy yourself up a bit”.

 

[JohnRoberts]

Apparently Walt Disney can't spell "cartoon" without CRT. (sorry you have to think about it).

 

[pucho812]

I got it. I am going to start a food truck.
I will park it next to chick-fil-a and only be opened sundays. I will call it “side chick.”

 

[pucho812]

Two Texans were involved in a car accident and die. They both end up in hell.
Satan decides to pay a visit to their shared room. As he gets there he sees they are happy.
He asks why are they happy?
They respond well it’s warm down here and we died in a car wreck due to unusually cold weather and black ice.
Satan leaves and is most annoyed with their behavior that he decides to crank up the heat in their room to over boiling temps.
He returns to see them and is even more furious than before. He asks why they are more happy now.
They respond when it’s this hot out, we bbq. Just like back home in summer.
Satan leaves quite upset but has a plan.
He turns the temp in their room to beyond freezing. He thinks to himself I have them beat and they will suffer for eternity.
He does a final check and sees that they are still happy. He asks”what the hell are you so happy about now?” They respond with a giant “yahoo, we’re in hell and it froze over, the cowboys must have won the Super Bowl”

 

[pucho812]

A man arrives at a costume party. He is completely naked except he has a lady on his back.
He says “I am a turtle”.
When asked who is on his back, he replies “that’s Michelle”.

 

[pucho812]

the reason companies do not hand out schematics anymore Is because they are just recycled old designs and knockoffs

 

[user 37518]

 

[JohnRoberts]

the reason companies do not hand out schematics anymore Is because they are just recycled old designs and knockoffs

When I managed an engineering group inside Peavey we were encouraged to stand on the shoulders of previous designs. That said it is the nature of design engineers to reinvent everything. It was a natural tension in managing a group of engineers to allow them to be creative while not wasting design effort.

When people ask for schematics for some of the blatant copy cat companies, the temptation is to just look at who they copied and just check those schematics.

JR

 

[user 37518]

What a joke...poor kids

As a teacher, I can attest that this happens much more often than one would expect.

 

[user 37518]

I helped my neighbor out with something this morning and she said to me " I could marry you!".
I couldn't believe it. You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return.

Like my father used to say: son, a wife is a partner, which is by your side to help you go through any problem that comes into your life; problems that you wouldn't have if you weren't married.

 

[AnalogPackrat]

Like my father used to say: son, a wife is a partner, which is by your side to help you go through any problem that comes into your life; problems that you wouldn't have if you weren't married.

True story. My grandparents married young at 18 (and a half, as they always said) just after Pearl Harbor. They only had a few dollars between them at the time. Whenever someone would ask them how they'd stayed a happy couple for so long my grandfather would invariably reply: "Well, when we married we made a deal. I would make all of the big decisions and she would make all of the small ones. So far there haven't been any big decisions."