pucho812
Well-known member
One tectonic plate bumped into another tectonic plate and said ”sorry my fault”
know any jokes?
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pucho812
Well-known member
A medieval couple is on their first date.
The maiden tells the knight that she is just looking for a quick fling.
The knight says well you will be pleased to know I have a trebuchet in my garden.
The maiden tells the knight that she is just looking for a quick fling.
The knight says well you will be pleased to know I have a trebuchet in my garden.
pucho812
Well-known member
A priest and a nun were lost in a blizzard. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep. There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor – but only one bed.
Being a gentleman, the priest said, “Sister, you sleep on the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag.”
Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said “Father, I’m cold.”
He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got a blanket and put it on her.
Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, “Father, I’m still very cold.”
He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into the sleeping bag once again. Just as his eyes closed, she said, “Father, I’m sooooo cold.”
This time, he remained there, giving the woman a wink and a smile, then said, “Sister, I have an idea. We’re out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let’s pretend we’re married.”
The nun purred, “Sounds good to me.”
To which the priest yelled out, “Okay then – get up and get your own stupid blanket!”
Being a gentleman, the priest said, “Sister, you sleep on the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag.”
Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said “Father, I’m cold.”
He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got a blanket and put it on her.
Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, “Father, I’m still very cold.”
He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into the sleeping bag once again. Just as his eyes closed, she said, “Father, I’m sooooo cold.”
This time, he remained there, giving the woman a wink and a smile, then said, “Sister, I have an idea. We’re out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let’s pretend we’re married.”
The nun purred, “Sounds good to me.”
To which the priest yelled out, “Okay then – get up and get your own stupid blanket!”
If the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything
Stamps = Lickie Stickie
Defibrillators = Hearty Starty
Bumble bees = Fuzzy Buzzy
Pregnancy test = Maybe Baby
Bra =Breastie Nestie
Fork= Stabby Grabby
Socks = Feetie Heatie
Hippo = Floatie Bloatie
Nightmare = Screamy Dreamy
Stamps = Lickie Stickie
Defibrillators = Hearty Starty
Bumble bees = Fuzzy Buzzy
Pregnancy test = Maybe Baby
Bra =Breastie Nestie
Fork= Stabby Grabby
Socks = Feetie Heatie
Hippo = Floatie Bloatie
Nightmare = Screamy Dreamy
pucho812
Well-known member
I just had a friend refer to lizzo as R. belly and I can't stop laughing when I thing about it.
![Electronics Soldering Iron Kit, [Upgraded] Soldering Iron 110V 90W LCD Digital Portable Soldering Kit 180-480℃(356-896℉), Welding Tool with ON/OFF Switch, Auto-sleep, Thermostatic Design](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41gRDnlyfJS._SL500_.jpg)
pucho812
Well-known member
The mafia hired a deaf accountant to keep track of the money. This would allow the mafia to discuss dealings without the accountant hearing what was said.
After a while the mafia noticed a large amount of money was missing.
Suspecting the deaf accountant they brought in an interpreter to do sign language.
The tell the interpreter to ask him where the money is.
After a moment of sign language the interpreter says the accountant doesn’t know about any missing money.
The boss of the mafia gets real upset and pulls out a gun. He demands the interpreter ask again and tell him that if we get the wrong answer we will kill him.
The interpreter asks a second time and the accountant seeing the gun tells the interpreter exactly where the money is.
The interpreter then tells the boss the account says “f@ck you. You don’t have the balls to use that piece on me”
After a while the mafia noticed a large amount of money was missing.
Suspecting the deaf accountant they brought in an interpreter to do sign language.
The tell the interpreter to ask him where the money is.
After a moment of sign language the interpreter says the accountant doesn’t know about any missing money.
The boss of the mafia gets real upset and pulls out a gun. He demands the interpreter ask again and tell him that if we get the wrong answer we will kill him.
The interpreter asks a second time and the accountant seeing the gun tells the interpreter exactly where the money is.
The interpreter then tells the boss the account says “f@ck you. You don’t have the balls to use that piece on me”
I just saw on Facebook that the company making yardsticks won't make them any longer..
JR
JR
pucho812
Well-known member
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
A banjo into the rubbish bin from 30 yards
A banjo into the rubbish bin from 30 yards
ruffrecords
Well-known member
crazydoc
Well-known member
I've heard it as "When the banjo hits the accordion in the dumpster."
pucho812
Well-known member
Reminds me of two far side jokes.
1. A mastro is in hell and the devil is showing him to his orchestra. The orchestra is full of banjo players.
2. It’s a split window. On the top it’s heaven. As the people cross into heaven it says welcome to heaven here is your harp.
On the bottom it’s hell and as people cross into hell it says welcome to hell here is your accordion.
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pucho812
Well-known member
How come larry Carlton did not make an album called electric larryland?
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pucho812
Well-known member
An Indian electrician came out to do electrical service. His name was Ashok
ruffrecords
Well-known member
Three ladies of the night were standing on the sidewalk together one Christmas. As Santa rode by in his sleigh he waved and said .....
Cheers
Ian
Cheers
Ian
pucho812
Well-known member
What do you call a knight made out of fine China?
Sir Ramic
Sir Ramic
Walrus
Well-known member
What do you call a Knight that only goes round in circles?
Sir Cuitous.
Sir Cuitous.
pucho812
Well-known member
Electricians have to strip to make ends meet.
He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years, having been high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.
This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high, with the widower throwing admiring glances across the table . . . and the widow smiling coyly back at him.
Finally, during one dance, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?”
After about 6 seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes... yes I will !"
Needless to say, the evening ended on a happy note for the widower. However, the next morning he was troubled. Did she say “Yes” or did she say ‘No‘? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over-and-over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him could not recall her response.
With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say “Yes” or did you say “No”?
"Why, you silly man” she replied, I said Yes. Yes, I will! And I meant it with all my heart!"
The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued. "And I'm so glad you called. I couldn't remember who asked me!"
This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high, with the widower throwing admiring glances across the table . . . and the widow smiling coyly back at him.
Finally, during one dance, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?”
After about 6 seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes... yes I will !"
Needless to say, the evening ended on a happy note for the widower. However, the next morning he was troubled. Did she say “Yes” or did she say ‘No‘? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over-and-over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him could not recall her response.
With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say “Yes” or did you say “No”?
"Why, you silly man” she replied, I said Yes. Yes, I will! And I meant it with all my heart!"
The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued. "And I'm so glad you called. I couldn't remember who asked me!"
