know any jokes?

[pucho812]

Paddy and his two good friends were sitting at a bar, talking about their wives.

“I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician,” his first friend said, taking a swig of his beer.

“How’s that?” his other friend asked.

“Well, the other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed, and they weren’t mine.”

The other men clapped him on his back and told him things would turn out fine.

They ordered another round and kept drinking.

After a while, the other friend said, “You know what, I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber.”

“Really? How’s that?” the first friend asked.

“Well, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.”

“Man, that sucks!” Paddy and his friend said, and ordered another round of beer.

After taking a sip, Paddy said, “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.”

Both his friends stared at him in utter disbelief.

“No, I’m serious,” Paddy said, “the other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed!”

 

[pucho812]

“Remember kids always cross thread your bolts because 2 threads are better than one”

 

[ruffrecords]

Just seen a video of a Michael Caine interview. He tells how he was invited to a party and was introduced to many of the other guests. He noticed the hostess across the room looking at him rather nastily so he goes over to talk to her. " Are you a drug dealer?" she asks.Michael Caine says "No, why do you ask?" She says "Why is everybody calling you my cocaine?"

Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

Imagine if the U.S. went from lbs to kms overnight.
It would be mass confusion.

 

[Rob Flinn]

A lorry carrying hosiery has crashed on the M25,...there are hold-ups everywhere.

 

[Rob Flinn]

 

[pucho812]

I saw a women on a bicycle. I yelled cow. She got real mad and gave me the middle finger. Then her bicycle hit the cow that was in her bike path.

I tried to warn her

 

[Rob Flinn]

I've spent at least half-an-hour trying to get my wife's bra off.......I wish I'd never tried it on in the first place. (Miles too big for me).

 

[pucho812]

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

 

[Rob Flinn]

I l had a snake on the bonnet (hood) of my car ,it was windscreen (windshield) viper

 

[ruffrecords]

I l had a snake on the bonnet (hood) of my car ,it was windscreen (windshield) viper

I wonder how many English jokes don't work in American and vice versa. I mean the old joke of a tap on the knee just doesn't work with fawcett.

Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

I wonder how many English jokes don't work in American and vice versa. I mean the old joke of a tap on the knee just doesn't work with fawcett.

Cheers

Ian

It’s because you guys speak English and we speak American

 

[ruffrecords]

It’s because you guys speak English and we speak American

My wife and I have been binge watching Justified on Disney. We are now quite used to a Kentucky accent. However, in several episodes characters have been heard to say,"Don't you understand English". That always makes us chuckle.

Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

 

[ruffrecords]

They will all be disqualified because it seems they have lost their batons.

Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

My favorite Bible verse
Lunch 12:30

 

[Rob Flinn]

I know a Professional Fisherman, but sadly he can't live off his Net Income.

 

[pucho812]

How many audio engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They don’t do lights, only sound.

 

[Rob Flinn]

I call my dog "20 miles",so I can say to people that I've walked 20 miles every day.

 

[Rob Flinn]

I married an archaeologist in the hope she would find me more interesting as I got older.