know any jokes?

[13engrsapper]

Oh Crap - As winter is approaching I have a Minnesotan Joke (I am from there).

COLD WEATHER TIP!
How to defrost your cars windshield Minnesota style:
Step 1. Extend left index finger.
Step 2. Extend left arm until index finger reaches windshield at eye level.
Step 3. Slide index finder 4" to the right
Step 4. Drive

 

[pucho812]

ok this might be a repeat but as I am currently working with a Native American blues band I wanted to tell it.

A lady goes to an artist. She introduces herself and says general Custer is her late husband. She would like a painting of her husbands last thoughts before he died. The artist says he can do that and to come back in a few weeks.

When she returns the artist unveiled the artwork and she gets extremely mad. She is cursing him out. Wtf is this? I wanted a painting of my husbands last thought. Instead I get cows with halos, cows with halos and wings, and a bunch of savages having sex in all kinds of positions.
The artist says lady those are your husbands last thoughts, holy cow look at all the fucking Indians.

 

[JohnRoberts]

Not a joke but IMO funny.

Iconic basketball coach Bobby Knight recently deceased, asked to be buried face down so all his critics could kiss his ass.

JR

 

[pucho812]

Not a joke but IMO funny.

Iconic basketball coach Bobby Knight recently deceased, asked to be buried face down so all his critics could kiss his ass.

JR

I want to be buried face down too. If things go on like I think they will after I go, when I roll over in my grave, I will be comfortable.

 

[ruffrecords]

Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

“Ladies. Mansplaining is short for man explaining”

 

[Rob Flinn]

I tried Viagra once, wasn't a good experience. The pill got stuck in my throat and I had a stiff neck for 3 days...

 

[pucho812]

My grandfather had an addiction to viagra. No one took it harder then my grandmother

 

[pucho812]

Wine is just grape juice with a yeast infection.

 

[ruffrecords]

Cheers

Ian

 

[Rob Flinn]

My girlfriend is leaving her therapy group for women who dont wear bra's, because she's not finding it very supportive.

 

[Rob Flinn]

A friend of mine drowned baking a fruit cake ,he got pulled in by strong currant.

 

[fazer]

This is worth a read of where the one finger salute came from. It’s a little difficult to read but we’ll worth it.

 

[pucho812]

This is worth a read of where the one finger salute came from. It’s a little difficult to read but we’ll worth it.

I would like to thank my middle finger for sticking up for me

 

[ruffrecords]

This is worth a read of where the one finger salute came from. It’s a little difficult to read but we’ll worth it.

I am not sure this is right/true. Our history teacher told us that yes, the French did cut off one finger of captured archers because you need two adjacent fingers to hold the arrow in a longbow. So before battle, the English archers would stick two fingers up at the French to show they could still hold the arrow. And we all know what 2 fingers has some to represent.

Cheers

Ian

 

[fazer]

I thought that joke was embellished

am not sure this is right/true

 

[Rob Flinn]

My girlfriend offered to buy me a new guitar. I declined the offer because I knew there would be strings attached.

 

[pucho812]

Q:What do you call a red head in a beer bath?

A:Ginger ale

 

[pucho812]

A guy walks into an antique shoppe and asks what’s new?

 

[pucho812]

A guy and his wife go out for his birthday.
As a surprise the wife takes the man to a burlesque show. When they get there the man is greeted by the door man”hey Dave great to see you again” the wife puzzled asks if he had been before. The man says who me? No, I never go to these places. That guy is in my bowling league”
They sit and a waitress walks up and says “Hi Dave, Budweiser?” The man’s wife starts getting angry “ and who is that? How does she know you like Budweiser beer?” The man responds “relax, she is in the women’s bowling league, we bowl on the same nights”
A dancer walks up to the table “Dave would you like your usual table dance tonight?”
At this point the man’s wife is fuming mad and gets up and leaves. The man follows and is trying to explain to his wife. She gets in a cab and tries to slam the door but the man gets in with her.
She starts in screaming at him again and the cab driver says “hey Dave, who is this? You picked up a real bitch tonight”