know any jokes?

[pucho812]

Advert I read today.

Downhill skiing isn’t just for people! Always have your amplifier sitting above your loudspeakers. Doing so allows your speaker wire to be pointed downwards toward the input terminals on your speakers. Since gravity, (like everything) affects the sound, electrons rolling downward towards your speakers will improve your sound immediately. Try it! Just another way we at HarmonicArtistry Labs work hard every day to bring value to our customers.

"Harmony in Every Note, Artistry in Every Detail."

 

[Rob Flinn]

A pilot crashed his plane into a ferris wheel. Police say he's coming round slowly !

 

[Rob Flinn]

Please be aware of Christmas scams out there. I ordered my girlfriend some jewelry for Christmas & a New mixing desk & compressor arrived instead.

 

[Rob Flinn]

My friend showed me a photo of his new girlfriend.
He said "look at her, isn't she hot ?"
I said "if you think she's hot, you should see my sister"
He said "why is she a model ?"
I said "no she's an optician !"

 

[pucho812]

A guy gets hired to be the boss of a factory and make it profitable.
Upon a tour of the factory he sees a guy standing around doing nothing.
He asks the guy what he is doing and the guy says I am waiting to get paid.
Furious the boss demands how much he makes a week.
The guy tells him.
The boss then writes him a check for 4 weeks pay and says get out of here.
The guy smiles and leaves excited.
The boss is now confused and asks can anyone tell me with the hell just happened?.
The assistant says you just paid the pizza delivery guy.

 

[Rob Flinn]

My wife tried to embarrass me in front of all her friends. She told them that I wasn't that good in bed.
She was shocked when they all disagreed with her.

 

[Brian Roth]

life support

 

[pucho812]

One of my favorite childhood memories was building sandcastles with my grand father. That is until my mom took his urn away from me.

 

[pucho812]

To all of my neighbors…

I don’t mean to be a Grinch, however....
to those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together!! Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police. I have to brake hard, toss my margarita out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive. It's just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

 

[JohnRoberts]

To all of my neighbors…

I don’t mean to be a Grinch, however....
to those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together!! Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police. I have to brake hard, toss my margarita out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive. It's just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

my blinky LED Christmas lights in my front window sometimes make it look like there is a police car in my driveway with lights flashing.... no bueno.

JR

 

[pucho812]

Person 1: (to person 2) Have you heard the joke about constipation?
Person 2: (to person 1) no.
P1: (to p2) me either it hasn’t come out yet.

 

[Rob Flinn]

Im developing a new method for air crew training. It's just a pilot scheme at the moment.

 

[pucho812]

"Never before has a generation so diligently recorded themselves accomplishing so little. "

 

[pucho812]

Sadly this is not a joke, but it is to me.

 

[pucho812]

Yup

 

[pucho812]

Sometimes names can be funny
There is a Uranus Missouri. In Uranus they have a fudge factory,

 

[pucho812]

Mary the blessed mother having just gave birth to Jesus and gotten Jesus to bed is approached by a young man.
The young man thinks you know what we need right now, a drum solo.

 

[pucho812]

I don’t want to end the year on bad terms with anyone.
apologize to me.

 

[Tubetec]

Did you hear about the mathematician with constipation ?
He worked it out with a pencil .

 

[JohnRoberts]

A man's dog ate a whole string of LED christmas lights...

the vet removed them and the dog was delighted.