While not an intentional joke, it made me chuckle. I try to avoid commercials but heard one say... "They couldn't say it if it wasn't true" 
JR
JR
know any jokes?
- Thread starter pucho812
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Brian Roth
Well-known member
"I'm not a doctor, but I play on TV...."
"Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes." 
JR
JR
pucho812
Well-known member
Kids fooling around in the backseat may cause accidents. Fooling around in the backseat may accidentally cause kids.
This has been your daily warning
This has been your daily warning
pucho812
Well-known member
Joke with I assume British slang
A man walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella.
The barman says what’s wrong with Stella?
The man says I had 12 pints last night and when I came round I was fucking skint.
The barman says 12 pints of anything will cost about the same.
The man says skint is my dog.
A man walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella.
The barman says what’s wrong with Stella?
The man says I had 12 pints last night and when I came round I was fucking skint.
The barman says 12 pints of anything will cost about the same.
The man says skint is my dog.
pucho812
Well-known member
What does a person with diarrhea have in common with the owner of an electric car?
They both hope they make it home before it craps out.
They both hope they make it home before it craps out.
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pucho812
Well-known member
A worm is a pretty lame prize for getting up early.
There was an olde woman who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children she didn't know what to do...
-mother goose
There was a different olde woman who lived in a shoe,
she didn't have any children, she knew what to do...
-not mother goose.
She had so many children she didn't know what to do...
-mother goose
There was a different olde woman who lived in a shoe,
she didn't have any children, she knew what to do...
-not mother goose.
pucho812
Well-known member
There was an old women who lived in a shoe, she had so many children her uterus fell out. - Andrew Dice Clay
pucho812
Well-known member
A man and women were discussing marriage. The women says she has to come clean and was born with a medical condition leaving her with breasts the size of a 12 years old. The man says that’s ok it don’t matter as we will get married but, I too must confess I have a medical condition too leaving my penis the size of an infant, she says that’s ok I love you.
So they get married and on their wedding night, his new bride grabs his man parts and runs of the room horrified.
The men chased after her she when they catch up she is going off about I thought you said it was the size of an infant. He goes it is, 8 pounds 7 ounces and 19 inches long.
So they get married and on their wedding night, his new bride grabs his man parts and runs of the room horrified.
The men chased after her she when they catch up she is going off about I thought you said it was the size of an infant. He goes it is, 8 pounds 7 ounces and 19 inches long.
pucho812
Well-known member
“W
️”
told my friend this is the logo of a yacht club in England
️” told my friend this is the logo of a yacht club in England
My mate said to me "Do you like wearing your hi-viz jacket...I said "Yes,I wouldn't be seen without it."
pucho812
Well-known member
The five most constipated people in the Bible:
1. Cain-who wasn't able.
2. King Solomon-who sat on the throne for forty years.
3. King David-who neither Heaven nor Earth could move.
4. Moses-who took two tablets and went up into the mountains.
5. Noah-who spent 40 days and 40 nights on the ark and passed nothing but water.
1. Cain-who wasn't able.
2. King Solomon-who sat on the throne for forty years.
3. King David-who neither Heaven nor Earth could move.
4. Moses-who took two tablets and went up into the mountains.
5. Noah-who spent 40 days and 40 nights on the ark and passed nothing but water.
A young woman who married an elderly gentleman was asked about her love life. She answered "it's the same old thing, weak in and weak out. "
JR
JR
pucho812
Well-known member
A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.
One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my
condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
“It hasn't affected my brothers though."
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.
One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my
condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
“It hasn't affected my brothers though."
pucho812
Well-known member
On chilly nights like tonight I enjoy putting on warm underwear and pajamas straight out of the dryer. An added bonus to this is looking around the laundromat and trying to guess who they may belong to.
pucho812
Well-known member
pucho812
Well-known member
Never throw false teeth at your vehicle, you might denture car.
I keep having dreams that Im now.
a horse...that's five nights on the trot
a horse...that's five nights on the trot
My friends bakery just burn't down. His business is toast !
