know any jokes?

[Rob Flinn]

 

[pucho812]

baby elephants are born at 250 pounds making them biggest babies on earth except for audio engineers who hear other audio engineers disapproving their gear choices.

 

[pucho812]

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

 

[pucho812]

A guy went to Las Vegas and gambled away all his money. He left the casino with no money in his pocket to go to the airport. He flagged a taxi driver who stopped to pick him up. He explained the situation and the taxi driver said get the fuck out of my cab. The man ended up walking to the airport.

Almost a year to date, the man goes back to Las Vegas and wins a huge huge amount of money. As he’s leaving the casino, he sees a row of taxis and notices the taxi driver from the year before is at the end of the row. He thinks about getting his revenge. He wants the first taxi in the row and ask the driver how much to the airport. The driver tells him the man says great, and then ask how much for sexual favors. The taxi driver says get the fuck out. The man repeats this at every taxi in the row until he gets in the last one. he asked the driver how much to the airport the taxi driver tells him. He says OK, and as the taxi is leaving he gives a thumbs up to all the other drivers waiting in the row.

 

[pucho812]

A guy comes home with flowers for his wife.
She says I guess I have to spread my legs now.

The guy goes why? Don’t we have a vase?

 

[JohnRoberts]

JR

 

[Rob Flinn]

 

[pucho812]

It took me 20 years of playing baseball to get 3000 hits. It took me one afternoon on the golf course to do the same.

 

[Rob Flinn]

I told my girlfriend to embrace her mistakes. She hugged me ........

 

[pucho812]

A man visits a priest and tells him
Father I have this desire to live for eternity. What should I do?
The priest responds “my son, you should go get married.”
The man asks if that will help him live for eternity.
The priest says “no, but the desire will disappear”

 

[JohnRoberts]

A guy texted his boss and said he should give him a raise because 4 companies were after him.

The boss replied which 4 companies?

The worker answered, the gas company, the electric company, the cable company and the water company...

JR

 

[Rob Flinn]

What do banjo players miss most at a great party ?

The invitation ...

 

[pucho812]

If you take out a bank loan, it takes you 30 years to pay it back.
If you rob a bank you will be out between 5-10 years and not owe any money.

Follow me for more life advice.

 

[pucho812]

Remember Magic Johnson wasted one of the greatest names in adult films on a basket ball career.

 

[pucho812]

If a person from Holland married a person from the Philippines, their off spring would be hollapinos.

 

[ruffrecords]

Remember Magic Johnson wasted one of the greatest names in adult films on a basket ball career.

But at least he still got to play with other peoples balls.

Cheers

Ian

 

[Rob Flinn]

Ran out of toilet paper today. I have started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen ....

 

[Rob Flinn]

 

[pucho812]

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.

 

[Rob Flinn]

I suffer from Kleptomania. My doctor says "I need to take something for it.