ruffrecords
Well-known member
When I told my Career Advisor that I simply wanted a job that put food on the table he suggested that I become a waiter.
Cheers
Ian
Cheers
Ian
know any jokes?
- Thread starter pucho812
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pucho812
Well-known member
A WIFE Sends a Message to Her HUSBAND
WIFE: “Honey, please don't forget to buy bread when you're coming home from work and lest I forget... Your girlfriend Elizabeth is also here and says hello to you.”
HUSBAND: Who is Elizabeth?
WIFE : Nobody, I just wanted you to respond, so I can have confirmation that you saw my message.
HUSBAND: But I’m with Elizabeth right now, I thought you saw us!
WIFE: What! Where are you?
Husband: Near the neighbourhood bakery.
WIFE: Wait, I’m coming right now!
After 5 minutes, his wife sends a message:
WIFE:I’m at the bakery, where are you?
HUSBAND: I’m at work. Now that you’re at the bakery, please buy the bread and go home!
WIFE: “Honey, please don't forget to buy bread when you're coming home from work and lest I forget... Your girlfriend Elizabeth is also here and says hello to you.”
HUSBAND: Who is Elizabeth?
WIFE : Nobody, I just wanted you to respond, so I can have confirmation that you saw my message.
HUSBAND: But I’m with Elizabeth right now, I thought you saw us!
WIFE: What! Where are you?
Husband: Near the neighbourhood bakery.
WIFE: Wait, I’m coming right now!
After 5 minutes, his wife sends a message:
WIFE:I’m at the bakery, where are you?
HUSBAND: I’m at work. Now that you’re at the bakery, please buy the bread and go home!
I saw this on F_book, don't know if it is a joke, but it is a little funny except for the man being shot.
JR
pucho812
Well-known member
Well, what if he really was shitting?
Brian Roth
Well-known member
Brian Roth
Well-known member
Or as an old engineer friend would say "I shat"
Thinking back to grade school verbs....Sh!t. Shat. Shut???
bri
pucho812
Well-known member
Classic…
God and a scientist were arguing about the creation of life.
The scientist said he could create life from this pile of dirt here.
God said, get your own dirt.
JR
The scientist said he could create life from this pile of dirt here.
God said, get your own dirt.
JR
ruffrecords
Well-known member
All my books fell on me just now. I have only my shelf to blame.
Cheers
IAn
Cheers
IAn
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who got sacked ? She couldn't control her pupils ....
ruffrecords
Well-known member
What do pessimistic roosters say?
Cockadoodle don't.
Cheers
Ian
Cockadoodle don't.
Cheers
Ian
pucho812
Well-known member
pucho812
Well-known member
Satisfied a waitress last night with just my tip.
pucho812
Well-known member
a man who was in the cia spent decades in training. He learned to speak Russian with a Russian accent and everything he could to infiltrate Russia when his orders came. When his orders finally came he parachuted into Russia into a small town.
He went to the train station and asked in Russian how much for a ticket to Moscow. The cashier said 20 rubles my American comrade.
When he got to Moscow he asked for directions to the kremlin. The person given direction told him how to get there and ended it my American comrade.
Frustrated he walks into a bar and starts a conversation. They all call him their American comrade.
Frustrated he asks how did you know I was American?
They replied it’s because you are black.
He went to the train station and asked in Russian how much for a ticket to Moscow. The cashier said 20 rubles my American comrade.
When he got to Moscow he asked for directions to the kremlin. The person given direction told him how to get there and ended it my American comrade.
Frustrated he walks into a bar and starts a conversation. They all call him their American comrade.
Frustrated he asks how did you know I was American?
They replied it’s because you are black.
pucho812
Well-known member
A man was in the hospital getting the world’s first brain transplant.
His doctor tells him that because the procedure is new, his insurance will not cover it. So, they are going to go over how much a brain cost.
The doctor says you have 3 options.
For 100 an ounce you get an engineers brain. For 200 an ounce you get a scientists brain. For 1000 an ounce you get a politicians brain.
The man goes what? That’s crazy why would anyone pay that much for a brain.
The doctor replies do you know how many politicians it takes to get a once of brain?
His doctor tells him that because the procedure is new, his insurance will not cover it. So, they are going to go over how much a brain cost.
The doctor says you have 3 options.
For 100 an ounce you get an engineers brain. For 200 an ounce you get a scientists brain. For 1000 an ounce you get a politicians brain.
The man goes what? That’s crazy why would anyone pay that much for a brain.
The doctor replies do you know how many politicians it takes to get a once of brain?
I recall hearing a variant on that joke back in the 1950s... instead of a brain transplant, it was an exclusive restaurant making brain stew. The pejorative punchline was an ethnic local minority, but still amusing.
JR
PS: I recall reading a short science fiction story back in the 70s that said there were only a modest number of basic joke formulas, and all the rest were variants substituting different targets to laugh at.
pucho812
Well-known member
What’s the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
The way the pronounce “unionized”
The way the pronounce “unionized”
The worst job I had was an Alarm clock tester....It was a real eye opener.
My obese parrot died yesterday. Although Im very sad, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
Solar power is now the future, but it didn't happen over night.
