know any jokes?

[pucho812]

So I’m at a party with a buddy of mine. He had back problems as a kid.
He meets a girl and they start talking.
She asked him what his backstory is?
He goes growing up I had scoliosis.
She replies growing up, I was a libra.

 

[pucho812]

Q: Who did Godzilla dance with at studio 54?

A: Lizzard Minnelli

 

[pucho812]

Nephew: Uncle Pucho do you know why humming birds hum?

Uncle Pucho: Bad filter capacitors

 

[scott2000]

 

[pucho812]

I identify as late.

My pronouns are almost/there.

 

[daschnoz]

You just asked for Jokes. You never said they had to be good ones.


What's the difference between a violin and a viola? A viola burns longer.

What's the range of a tuba? It depends on how strong your throwing arm is.

How does a soprano change a light bulb? She holds it and the world revolves around her.

How do you know when the lead singer is at the door? He doesn't know when to come in and he can't find the key.

How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to do it, and 2 to argue about how Neil Peart would have done it.

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but they need to be really tiny.

How do you know that the bari-sax player is a gentleman? He knows how to play the bari-sax, but he doesn't.

 

[pucho812]

I take a tuba camping with me. It ensures no takes the campsite to me left and right

 

[pucho812]

I went to the Australian embassy to see about becoming an Aussie citizen.
They asked me if I had a criminal history.
I told them I didn’t know that was still a requirement.

 

[Rob Flinn]

A man went to pick up his viagra prescription from the Doctors. He asked the Dr if it would turn him into James Bond. He said no, but it will make you Roger Moore.

 

[pucho812]

A guy goes to church to talk with a priest.
He tells Priest I keep hearing voices telling me what to do. Am I possessed?

The priest says no, you’re just married.

 

[Brian Roth]

I almost put this in "post music here" but it just really cracked me up.



Bri

 

[Ó Draighnáin]

That last chord is a killer.

 

[pucho812]

When the guillotine was invented, it was considered cutting edge technology.

 

[pucho812]

Sometimes jokes are unintended

 

[scott2000]

Dang snopes ruined it....

 

[pucho812]

A lady is about to get married.
She talks to her mom that she is worried her soon to be husband will notice her lady bits below the waistline are loose.
Her mom says not to worry it runs in the family. On your wedding night, just add a bit of beef in there, your husband won’t notice the difference.
So the lady get married and she consummates the marriage that evening.
The next morning she wakes to find a note from her new husband.
It reads to my darling bride. Last night was amazing. The only reason I am not here now is because I left to work so I can afford you everything a lady like you should ever want.
love always,
Your loving husband.

P.S. your ***** in the sink.

 

[Brian Roth]

^^^^ OMG....... <g>

 

[pucho812]

My friend hit me up asking for suggestions for male dog names. Below is a list of names I submitted.

Droolius Cesar
Bark Twain
Charles barkowski
Sherlock bones
Arf Vader
Sir barksalot
Chewbarka

 

[pucho812]

Always loved the far side

 

[Brian Roth]

Another Farside classic.