know any jokes?

[pucho812]

Ordered a book called how to scam people. It’s been 3 months and I haven't received it yet.

 

[pucho812]

I was sitting in a recliner naked eating ice cream and watching T.v. Everything was perfect on this Sunday afternoon until wallmart called the cops.

 

[pucho812]

 

[ruffrecords]

Two coconuts were walking down the street. One said to the other "Can you hear a horse?"

Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

Why is it when a man kills another man in battle it’s called heroic but when a man kills another man in the heat of passion, it’s called murder.

 

[Rob Flinn]

My poor dog swallowed a load of Scrabble tiles by accident, We took him to the vets, but there's "No word yet"

 

[Rob Flinn]

It was reported that there was a food shortage earlier this year at the Spoonerism Awards Dinner. It turned out to be a complete lack of pies.

 

[Brian Roth]

^^^^ Rob.....BOOOO! hehehe

EDIT...referring to the Scrabble joke.

Bri

 

[Brian Roth]

"Mardon me padam, you are occupewing the wrong pie. May I sew you to a sheet?"

Rev. Spooner

 

[scott2000]

Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club.
It was open Mike night.

 

[Brian Roth]

scott ARRGH!

 

[Rob Flinn]

My wife said to me that she was going to donate her clothes to starving people. I said anyone that fitted into her clothes wasn't starving. That's how the arguement started.....

 

[Johnny1234]

Where I work everything sucks except the vacuum cleaner.

 

[pucho812]

I think it’s unfair that only one company makes the game monopoly

 

[pucho812]

The greatest tragedy in Japan is toilets that are light years beyond any place else but no Mexican food to use them with.

 

[pucho812]

Had a date last night.
It was going great until my date asked”boxers or briefs?”
I said “depends”
She got disgusted and left. I don’t know why.

 

[scott2000]

 

[Rob Flinn]

What does the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor ?
"Make me one with everything !"

 

[JohnRoberts]

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake however when she accused new member George of being an alcoholic after she saw his old truck parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told George, and several others, that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his truck in front of Mildred’s house… and he left it there all night.

Borrowed from the WWW but still funny.

JR

 

[pucho812]

An engaged couple is soon to be married.
Lady to future husband: now they we are getting married you can stop playing guitar and doing gigs.
Man to future wife: your starting to sound like my ex-wife
Lady: I didn’t know you were married previously
Man: I wasn’t