know any jokes?

[NOON]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no .. genitals?

Still no f&%ing idea.

 

[ruffrecords]

Did you know the toilet seat was invented in Ireland? 10 years later the British improved it by putting a hole in the middle.

Did you hear about the Irish parachute? Opens on impact.

Did you hear about the Irishman who thought Air Lingus was a sexual offence?

What does an Irishman wear on holiday? Peep toed wellies.

(with apologies to my many Irish friends)

Ian

 

[ruffrecords]

Mick was in charge of the Irish space programme. Instead of flying to the moon they decided to fly to the sun. When asked how he would overcome the heat problem Mick replied "Easy, we go at night"

Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

The local pub is having a 7 course Irish meal in honor of st. Patrick’s day.
It includes 6 pints and one potato

 

[JohnRoberts]

remember to put the potato in the front

 

[Rybow]

How does a train hear another train coming?
With its engine ears

why do I always hide when I get to work?
Good employees are hard to find

 

[JohnRoberts]

I'm not sure which thread this should be in but lets try here.
==
I heard a suggestion that we should send Dr Fauci to Ukraine, because nobody wants that war to end quickly more than he does...

 

[pucho812]

I was traveling in Ireland and right outside of town was this long road leading up to a pub. Next to the road a long fence. So I walked up and into the pub. I sit and order a Guinness. The bartender starts to talk to me. He asks is I liked the fence on the walk up. He says I built that fence with me own two hands but do the call me John the fence builder? No. How about that pull of Guinness? Isn’t it a lovely pull? I say yes. And he replies wonderful but do the call me John the Guinness puller? No.
Then he says “but you fuck one goat”

 

[Rob Flinn]

Why do Golfers always carry a spare pair of socks ?

Just in case they get a hole in one .....

 

[pucho812]

three dogs are running after each other through the forest in the rain. There is mud flying everywhere. the first dog is kicking up mud into the face of the second dog. the second dog is kicking up mud and throwing it into the face of the third dog. after a minute of this the second dog looks back at the third dog and say "It's a bitch ain't it?" the third dog says "It better be"

 

[JohnRoberts]

The latest woke advice...

#1 if you love the planet don't eat meat.

#2 if you love your pet make sure their pet food has real meat in it.

 

[Rob Flinn]

I just ordered a stretch limo and found out it doesn't come with a driver. I'm annoyed to have spent that much money & have nothing to chauffeur it !

 

[scott2000]

I was robbed at a gas station in NJ last night. After my hands stopped trembling..I managed to call the cops and they were quick to respond and calmed me down...My money is gone.. the police asked me if I knew who did it..I said yes.. it was pump number 9...

ICE T?

 

[ruffrecords]

I was robbed at a gas station in NJ last night. After my hands stopped trembling..I managed to call the cops and they were quick to respond and calmed me down...My money is gone.. the police asked me if I knew who did it..I said yes.. it was pump number 9...

ICE T?

True story: We drove into town this morning and on the way there we passed a petrol station advertising petral at £1.78 a gallon. About couple of hours later we drove home past the same petrol station and the price had gone up to £1.79 a gallon.

Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

Said this in session once to a not so competent assistant. "lets add delay to the stereo buss so we can reference our mix in the morning".
While it is a bad dad joke as they would say, he actually began to patch in a delay on the stereo bus insert.

 

[pucho812]

Q:What do a burnt pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant women all have in common?
A: an idiot who didn’t take it out in time.

 

[pucho812]

a man and his wife are having dinner with friends of theirs. The mans friend asks how his visit to the doctors went.
The man replies "it went great, the doctors says I can masturbate any time I want."
His wife corrects him "That's not what he said at all, he said you could have a stroke at any minute"

 

[pucho812]

when i hear a milli vanilli song, I don't sing it, I just move my mouth, they would have wanted it that way.

 

[pucho812]

“Only the government can cut the bottom of a blanket off, sew it onto the top and then proclaim the blanket is longer. “

 

[JohnRoberts]

very old daylight savings time joke...

JR