know any jokes?

[pucho812]

Hootin is a gateway to hollerin

 

[Rob Flinn]

 

[pucho812]

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other one does this taste funny to you?

 

[Newmarket]

Have you seen that TV series based around a hospital where all the medical records are stored on Compact Cassettes ? I think it's called "Dolby City".
*UK centric content alert

 

[pucho812]

this is a buddy of mine. This is all a true story. He once was on a year long audition for the Howard stern show, he did do voice acting as part of it. There was an episode of the stern show on t.v. and you can see as described.

 

[pucho812]

Just sprayed fruit scented fabreze in the bathroom, now it smells like shitrus

 

[Rob Flinn]

I caught my girlfriend on a date with her personal trainer. I said to her "this isn't working out" !

 

[pucho812]

Pulled out a nose hair to see if it still hurt. Judging the reaction of the person sleeping next to me on my flight, it’s a resounding yes.

 

[pucho812]

Was staying at a hotel and I called the front desk saying “I gotta leak in my sink” the front desk responded with “the customer is always right”

 

[scott2000]

:

 

[pucho812]

A man goes to the confessional.

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned.”

“What is your sin, my child?” The priest asks back.

“Well,” the man starts, “I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible.”

“When did you do use this awful language?” said the priest.



“I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards.”

“Is that when you swore?”

“No, Father.” said the man. “After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away.”

“Is THAT when you swore?” asked the Father again.

“Well, no.” said the man, “You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!”

“Is THAT when you swore?” asked the amazed Priest.

“No, not yet.” The man replied. “As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew towards the green.



And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball.”

“Did you swear THEN?” asked the now impatient Priest.

“No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole.”

“You missed the f*cking putt, didn’t you?” sighed the Priest

 

[pucho812]

You know gas prices are high when the dude with the monster truck tires and lifts on his truck is not reviving his engine at wall mart during mating season.

 

[pucho812]

To the lady who gave me the rude hand gesture after I honked my car horn at her in the grocery store parking lot, you left some groceries on your car roof.

 

[pucho812]

Due to inflation, dirty deeds are no longer going to be done dirt cheap.

 

[pucho812]

Q: what do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

A: Your research funding pulled and loss of tenure from the university science department.

 

[JohnRoberts]

Q: what do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

A: Your research funding pulled and loss of tenure from the university science department.

you need to rewrite the bid talking about how octopi reduce global warming from cow flatulance

JR

 

[PermO]

I'm done giving blood to the bloodbank, too many questions asked....

Who's blood is it ?
How did you get it ?
Why is it in a bucket ?

 

[pucho812]

Just cleared out space in the freezer. It sounds more productive than I ate a pint of ice cream by myself

 

[pucho812]

What's the difference between government and organized crime?
One is organized....

 

[ruffrecords]

What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A good start.

Cheers

Ian