know any jokes?

[pucho812]

So Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery. As they start to drink daffy asks Elmer “is this whisky?” Elmer replies “yes, but not as whisky as robbing a bank”

 

[pucho812]

The other day I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It’s the least I could do for him.

 

[pucho812]

Breaking news.
A cheese factory exploded in France. There is da-Brie everywhere.

 

[pucho812]

Everything comes to an end except a sausage which has 2 ends.

 

[pucho812]

How do you annoy a guitarist?
A guy I used to work with had been lead guitarist for a well known rock group in the 1970’s. He would tell the following story.
One day he was recording at a studio in l.a. Down the hall ry cooder was in recording in another room. He invited Ry to listen to what they were doing. Ry said ok and came into their control room.
Ry cooder was listening to his playing and when the track was over he asked if he could have a look at his guitar.
My client was inordinately flattered that the Great ry cooder wanted to check out his ax so he handed it right over.
Ry cooder played a few notes thoughtfully, handed it back to him and said “no it wasn’t the guitar”

 

[ruffrecords]

Why do cucumbers hate being pickled? It's a jarring experience.

Cheers

Ian

 

[ruffrecords]

My wife spotted this bumper sticker today "Please honk if a kid falls out"

Cheers

Ian

 

[Rob Flinn]

I'm really not that comfortable around trees, I find them rather shady !

 

[Rob Flinn]

Did you hear about the pirate who's parrot died ? It was a huge weight off his shoulders.....

 

[pucho812]

A man walks into a pub and sits down. With a worried look on his face he orders a whisky. The Bar man notices and asks him if he is ok. The man replies no, my wife and I had a big fight and she said she wouldn’t talk to me for a month. The bar man replies to his story saying “well, look at the bright side, there will be peace and quiet in the house”. The man respond with “I know, today is the end of the month”

 

[pucho812]

A husband comes home with a beautiful Bouquet of flowers
The wife looking it over explains “I guess I’ll have to open my legs now”
The man replies why? Don’t we have a vase?

 

[pucho812]

Are there are any guitarists who want to know the secret to making their instrument sound better… stay tuned.

 

[pucho812]

Should I trust my optometrist, they have a small mirror hanging in their office and it’s Crooked.

 

[ruffrecords]

I didn't think I needed orthopaedic shoes but I stand corrected.

Cheers

Ian

 

[scott2000]

My wife says she is leaving me because I insist on talking to her like a TV News Anchor. More on this story later…

 

[ruffrecords]

A thief drove a cement truck into a tree. Police are looking for a hardened criminal.

Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

This showed up in my news feed elsewhere

A person who I was talking to said the following
“Stam audio was accusing warm audio of stealing their la2a design”

 

[scott2000]

My wife left me because I'm insecure.....

Oh wait, she's back... She just went to get coffee

 

[ruffrecords]

What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milk shake.

Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

I invented a golf ball that will automatically go into the hole on the green if you manage to hit it so it comes within 4 inches of the hole. Note to self “do not carry them in your back pocket”