know any jokes?

[pucho812]

A man tripped and fell over his children's toys. He landed so hard that a plastic horse went all the way up into his bum. The doctors in the emergency room have his condition listed as stable

 

[pucho812]

New bumpers sticker

“Watch out for the idiot behind me”

 

[ruffrecords]

Why was music coming from the printer? Because the paper was jamming.

Cheers

Ian

 

[Tubetec]

I couldnt resist , although its no joke

 

[ruffrecords]

I just watched a video about SkyLab's rentry. A bar in New York threw a splashdown party and created a Sky Lab cocktail - they say two of these and you won't know what's hit you.

Cheers

ian

 

[Matador]

What's the difference between a vegan and a computer geek? The vegan hates rack of lamb, and the computer geek hates lack of RAM.

 

[Tubetec]

Ever try the Czjeck version of Abysynthe ?
contains worm wood extract ,a powerfull hallucinogen , no barman with empathy for humanity will allow more than one per customer , traditionally sugar is melted on a spoon with the 80+ proof loopy juice as fuel , a splash of water is then added , definately not for old soldiers unless your hard as nails . I had a few shots of it over the years myself , didnt wind up in a cell or a straight jacket from it . Has to be experienced once or twice in a lifetime .

A word of warning applies here , I feel,
If you had your issues with the drink in the past , and none of us are immune
totally avoid my advice about this poison.

I wouldnt mind hearing PRR's thoughts on it actually , he's mad enough to have tried it

 

[Rob Flinn]

Breaking news , a man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
I was told that he went to lost luggage because they said they had found it, but apparently when he got there he found that it wasn't the case.

 

[pucho812]

A truck driver was speeding down a country road and ran over a rooster. Being an honest man he stopped at the nearby farm, walked up to the farmhouse, rang the door bell and confessed to the farmer what he had done. He then said "Sir, I would like to replace your rooster".
The Farmer replied. "Suit yourself. The Chickens are outback"

 

[pucho812]

Q: why is billy Joel’s laundry still wet

A: he didn’t start the dryer

 

[pucho812]

Dude: hi my name is Bob and I am an alcoholic

AAA: sir, this is triple A auto service not alcoholics Anonymous

Dude: I know I am explaining how my car got into the lake

 

[AnalogPackrat]

Trigger warning: may be offensive to the elderly, the deaf, and/or golfers.

Three old duffers were out for a round of golf on a blustery day. As they putted out on the ninth green one commented "Windy, isn't it?" to which another replied "No, Thursday!" The third replaced the flag stick and announced "Me, too! Let's go have a drink!"

 

[pucho812]

Why is it pronounced bri ish?

Because they drink the t.

 

[pucho812]

bob: hey mike want to see my impression of Batman?
mike: sure.
bob: up, up, and away.
mike: that’s Superman
bob: thanks, I have been practicing a lot.

 

[pucho812]

Posed nude for an art class today. They didn’t ask me to. I think they were making ceramic bowls or something.

 

[pucho812]

The problem with Jewish delis is that 72 hours later you’re hungry again

 

[pucho812]

Old age in queens English.

I realize I had to use the loo
So I get up, walk across the house to the pantry.
I forget why I went to the pantry.
Still having to use the loo, I walk across the house to the loo.
While sitting on the crapper, I remember why I went to the pantry, bog roll.

 

[scott2000]

 

[pucho812]

Grandfather is addicted to viagra. No one is taking this harder then grandmother.

 

[pucho812]

Opened my water bill and electricity bill at the same time.

I was shocked.