pucho812
Well-known member
Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her… or something like that.
know any jokes?
- Thread starter pucho812
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ruffrecords
Well-known member
Rob, what is the name of that guy who tells the great one liners? He is often on that comedy programme on TV that is chaired by Dara O'Braian.
Cheers
Ian
Tim Vine perhaps ?
ruffrecords
Well-known member
No, not him. I just remembered the programme was Mock the Week, I found a list of panellists at wikiP so I am reading that to see if it jogs the memory.
Cheers
Ian
Cheers
Ian
ruffrecords
Well-known member
Got him. It is Milton Jones:
"I was sitting in traffic today .... and I got run over"
"Reading between the lines is dangerous .... if you are at the railway"
"I met my wife on the net. We were both rubbish trapeze artists"
"I tried to impress a girl once by putting my foot down on the pedal .... turns out she'd seen a bin open like that before."
"My wife's giving me the silent treatment, lying there day after day. Beginning to smell a bit now"
" The pollen count .... that's a difficult job"
"Militant feminists. I take my hat of to them. They don't like that"
"Have you noticed that if you Google 'lost medieval servant boy' is says ' this page cannot be found"
"Nobody turned up to the first meeting of my sarcasm club. Despite so many of them saying how much they were looking forward to it"
Cheers
Ian
Winston OBoogie
Well-known member
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pucho812
Well-known member
The Coroners club is having their first meeting this Saturday at the sportsman lodge. It coincides with open Mike night.
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I named my goldfish "Major, Minor, Dorian, Lydian & Diminished". The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.....
pucho812
Well-known member
Why did Bach have so many children? Because he didn't have any organ stops
pucho812
Well-known member
If a tree in the forest falls on a mime and there's no one there to hear it does it make a noise?
ruffrecords
Well-known member
Why is Captain Kirk like a roll of toilet paper? Because they both get Klingons off your arse.
Cheers
Ian
Cheers
Ian
Did you know that Gaffa tape is actually "the force" in Star Wars. This is because it has a light side, a dark side & it holds the universe together.
pucho812
Well-known member
I've heard that one told like this.
Q:how is the starship enterprise and toilet paper the same?
A:They both circle uranus looking for klingons
I'm thinking of starting my own airline with all the planes camouflaged, but I just can't see it taking off.
I've just checked my house insurance, & apparently if my duvet is stolen during the night I'm not covered...
I went out for a meal last night & had a Pelican burger. It was great until I saw the size of the Bill...
I've just checked my house insurance, & apparently if my duvet is stolen during the night I'm not covered...
I went out for a meal last night & had a Pelican burger. It was great until I saw the size of the Bill...
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have an H2O". The second says "I'll have an H2O too". He died.
pucho812
Well-known member
“I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, “There goes the neighborhood”
pucho812
Well-known member
Don’t forget to celebrate Columbus Day by discovering your turn signal
pucho812
Well-known member
There was an American missionary who was sent out to the deepest parts of the congo. About 9 months or so after arriving into the village to do missionary work the daughter of the chief of the tribe had a white baby. The chief was not too happy about this and sent for the missionary. The chief is demanding to know about the white baby. As the missionary is thinking of a way to respond to save him from the chief's large blade, he looks out the window. He proceeds to say" Chief, I don't know how mother nature decides to color her children. Why look out the window here. See all them white goats and that one black goat. I can't explain how..." The chief cuts him off going "o.k. you don't tell on me, I won't tell on you"
pucho812
Well-known member
Q:Why couldn’t the green pepper practice archery?
A: because it didn’t habanero
A: because it didn’t habanero
pucho812
Well-known member
Whenever I am around my Spanish speaking Friends, I use the word mucho. It means a lot to them.
