know any jokes?

[pucho812]

If anyone gets an email from me about canned meat, do not open it. It’s spam

 

[a soBer Newt]

If anyone gets an email from me about canned meat, do not open it. It’s spam

Thanks Dad

 

[pucho812]

True conversation between a friend and pucho over txt messaging

Friend: my ears keep ringing. Do you think I have tonight ass?

Pucho: what?

Friend: ten nights it’s

Pucho: do you mean tinnitus?

Friend: whatever shut up.

 

[Rob Flinn]

If Mark Knopfler had Money for nothing how come he was in Dire Straights ?

 

[Rob Flinn]

People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician

 

[Gerald Jansen]

Have any idea about what a blonde singer does first thing in the morning when she wakes up?

She’l be collecting her things to go home and take a shower. . .

 

[pucho812]

Two welsh ladies are on holiday. They are out one evening have a drink at the pub when a man approaches them and ask if they are from Scotland. One lady a little upset at the notion goings “ wales, you idiot”
The man goes ah ok are you two wales from Scotland?

 

[Rob Flinn]

The top 15 jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe festival (Comic festival) this year :

1. I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it. - Mark Simmons
2. I've been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don't feel like I'm progressing. It's just one step forward... two steps back. - Alec Snook
3. Ate horse at a restaurant once - wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful. - Alex Kitson
4. I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it. - Arthur Smith
5. I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.- Mark Simmons
6. My dad used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes - Olaf Falafel
7. British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? - Chelsea Birkby
8. I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I've cracked it. - Masai Graham
9. My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had - Zoë Coombs Marr
10. The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati. - Olaf Falafel
11. I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: my pronouns are ‘there there’. - Sarah Keyworth
12. I've got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I'd never bought her that vineyard - Roger Swift
13. Gay people are very bad at maths. We don't naturally multiply. - Lou Wall
14. Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher - Sophie Duker
15. Growing up rich is a hereditary condition. It affects 1% of people - Olga Koch

 

[pucho812]

Two old guys are at the park playing chess.
One guy says I have bad news. I have been diagnosed with short term memory loss.
The other guy goes what’s it like?
The first guy goes what’s what like?
The other guy says short term memory loss.
The first guy says omg I have that too.

 

[Rob Flinn]

A man goes to the Dr and asks for a double dose of viagra.
The Doc says "I can't do that. It's not safe !"
The man pleads "I'm desperate. I have my girlfriend coming over Friday evening, my ex wife Saturday evening & my wife comes back on Sunday."
The doc says "I see. I guess under the circumstances I can do this, but you will have to come back on Monday so I can see if there have been any side effects."
The man thanks the Doc, takes the double dose & goes off for the weekend.
On Monday he returns to the Doctors with his arm in a sling.
The Dr says "what happened ?"
The mans replies "Nobody showed up !"

 

[pucho812]

Idolizing a politician is like believing the lady at the gentleman’s club really likes you

 

[pucho812]

Some girlfriend I got, she kisses my dog on the lips but won’t drink from my glass

 

[pucho812]

I don’t want to brag but I have won the same amount of primaries as Kamala Harris

 

[pucho812]

two guys at the bar were bragging about being exceptional lovers.
One says to the other, the missus and I went at it for 3 hours last night.
The other guy in disbelief wants all the dirty details.
So the one guys goes well we were playing doctor patient. I was the doctor she was the patient. I had her in the waiting room for 2 hours and 58 minutes, then gave her the full exam for the other two.

 

[Brian Roth]

I regularly watch national and local newscasts, so this one hit home.



Bri

 

[Rob Flinn]

The man who invented spell check died today. May he rust in piss !

 

[pucho812]

First rule of night club, never commit to anything.

 

[pucho812]

A man checking in at the doctors office tells the receptionist I have a 1:30 appointment.

The receptionist asks which doctor?

The man replies no a regular doctor

 

[pucho812]

The Boeing astronauts are stranded in space for at least 80 days. Humanity has 80 days to buy ape costumes and pull the ultimate prank.

 

[ruffrecords]

The Boeing astronauts are stranded in space for at least 80 days. Humanity has 80 days to buy ape costumes and pull the ultimate prank.

Now that I would love to see.

Cheers

Ian