know any jokes?

[pucho812]

A man rings the door bell on a house.
A lady in the house who had just gotten into a bath hears the door bell gets out wraps herself in a towel and gets the door.
When she opens it a man she never seen or met is standing before her. He says I’ll give you two hundred dollars to drop that towel. She thinks for a second and decides to do it. The towel hits the floor the man sees everything. He looks at her for a few seconds and says alright. He gives her the two hundred and leaves.
She goes back to her bath.
An hour later her husband comes home and asks if anyone stopped by. She mentioned the man but did not mention the towel or the money.
Her husband then asks did he give you two hundred dollars?
She nervously says yes.
The man goes great. That’s my new friend Jimmy. We made a bet at the pub last night and he lost and owed me money.

 

[pucho812]

If you ever want to make your significant other feel special, take their photo and hang it in the kitchen. Put employee of the month right under it.
They will love you for it.

 

[ruffrecords]

If you ever want to make your significant other feel special, take their photo and hang it in the kitchen. Put employee of the month right under it.
They will love you for it.

You must have a death wish

Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

So my buddy who is a chef said he wants to open a Chinese / Egyptian restaurant.
He says he will call it “wok like an Egyptian”

 

[pucho812]

A little Carlin in the afternoon.

 

[pucho812]

Do you know what “insert opposite political party supporter here” use for contraception?

Their personalities.

 

[ruffrecords]

Not so much a joke as an amusing anecdote from the October 1975 edition of Studio Sound:


Cheers

Ian

 

[ruffrecords]

Q: How did the young electronics engineer solve their first cable EMI problem?

A: With reluctance!

Cheers

Ian

 

[Rob Flinn]

What did the mathematician say to the constipated boy ?

"Work it out with a pencil lad."

 

[ruffrecords]

What did the mathematician say to the constipated boy ?

"Work it out with a pencil lad."

The way I heard that one many years ago was: "Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with pencil and paper."

Cheers

Ian

 

[ruffrecords]

A month before he died, my uncle covered his back with lard. He went rapidly down hill after that.

Cheers

Ian

 

[Ó Draighnáin]

A month before he died, my uncle covered his back with lard. He went rapidly down hill after that.

Cheers

Ian

That is Pucho level bad.

 

[ruffrecords]

That is Pucho level bad.

Not mine I am afraid:



Cheers

Ian

 

[pucho812]

I was an ugly kid. I am an ugly adult too but I was an ugly kid. They used to tie a pork chop around my neck so the dog would play with me.

 

[pucho812]

My friend just watched a documentary on Chernobyl. He grew up in the Ukraine and was able to count 8 historical inaccuracies with one hand.

 

[Johnny1234]

What did the battery say to the potato chip?
"I'm every ready, if your free to lay"

 

[Rob Flinn]

Smoking will kill you.
Bacon will kill you.
However, smoking bacon will cure it.

 

[okgb]

My friend just watched a documentary on Chernobyl. He grew up in the Ukraine and was able to count 8 historical inaccuracies with one hand.

I know it's humor but sign language lets you count on one hand 1-10 in one motion

 

[pucho812]

I know it's humor but sign language lets you count on one hand 1-10 in one motion

I did not know that.

 

[pucho812]

Q: What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common?

A: They both suck without cream